Lunchbreath's Girlfriend-On-Vacation Food Pyramid

"Girlfriend-On-Vacation Food Pyramid"
Serious Eats (September 30, 2009)

"Girlfriends, this is what your boyfriends eat when you're not around. The Girlfriend-On-Vacation Food Pyramid illustrated by Lunchbreath gives us a peek into the nutritionally decrepit wasteland of boyfriends...."

As a member of the other sex, I would like to defend my fellow-men, pointing out that when left unsupervised we do not normally eat a whole block of cheese; "impulse pancakes;" an entire pie, or a vodka + root beer (1 to 3 pint ratio) every hour. Well, not that vodka and root beer mix, anyway.

Funny? Yes! The 'food pyramid' is a version of those charts you've seen - the old ones that reflect what 150-pound opportunistic omnivores like homo sapiens sapiens actually eats, and the newer ones where meat is a condiment and we discover that humanity should have been living on tofu for the last 20,000 or so years.

I think the "boyfriend" part is pretty accurate: I suspect that if a woman has committed to house-training a man to the point where she marries him, within a few years she'll have him trained out of some of the worst of his bachelor habits.

Which may explain why I've heard that men live, on average, about ten years longer if they're married.

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A tip of the hat to williamcooks, on Twitter, for the heads-up on this post.