Flashback: Baking-Foil Fashion and Taco Couture

The Lemming has been trying to forget what a fashion designer did to Hulga Fekrat for four years. But, somewhat in the manner of something that drowned in a swamp: Mr. Basler's worst fashions of the year, women's division, resurfaced.

"Yeah, it makes your butt look big; worst women's fashions of the year…"
Robert Basler, Oddly Enough blog, Reuters (December 9, 2010)

"It was a year when models hit the international fashion runways looking like kitchen utensils, nutcrackers, forest creatures and, well, the recently deceased.

"You know it was a bad year in fashion when my blog item that was headlined 'The worst dress in the history of Earth?' barely makes it onto my Top 10 Worst Fashions list.

"And yes, you know it was a very, very bad year in women's fashion when the hottest new model featured in this blog was Hulga Fekrat...."

That's Hugla, next to the headline, presumably The photo's file name is "worst-womens-hulga-200.jpg," and the one next to this paragraph is "fekrat-240-vertical1.jpg."

The hour is late, and the Lemming is reminded of Spike Jone's rendition of "Laura." Ah, memories.

Why, by all that is sane, would someone a model look like an extra in Star War's Mos Eisley Cantina - and let the result be photographed. Perhaps the answer is connected to another perplexing question: Why do fashion shows exist?

Mr. Basler's 2010 Oddly Enough post employs the familiar 'countdown' format for its list of "10 worst fashion creations" list: from "The worst dress in the history of Earth?" in tenth place, to number one: "All of you girls are named Bambi?"

The Lemming micro-reviewed the tenth-place post, movable wings and all: "Flying Cucumber? Psychedelic Skyrocket? Dress?!" (July 26, 2010)

The third-from-the-bottom entry in Mr. Basler's list — perhaps its designer suffered a traumatic childhood experience involving an umbrella and a taco.

Which reminds the Lemming of this excerpt from David S. Zondy's Tales of Future Past website:

"When evolution went 'huh?' I have no idea what is going on here. Our heroes seem to be confronted with a pair of men from a planet where calamari and pancakes developed intelligence and then committed crimes against nature...."
("Tales of the Stars," Tales of Future Past)

The Lemming's bridge from baking-foil fashion and taco couture is probably the food angle. Being ADD-inattentive helps. ("Brilliant, Talented, and On Medication," A Catholic Citizen in America (November 30, 2010))

Back, aesthetic sense anesthetized, to the depths of high fashion. Maybe that pink-and-purple-and-blue-and-white-and-black — thing — is foil gift wrap, not colored baking foil.

Anyway, here's number one on Mr. Basler's list. Among the fashions of 2010, this may indeed be the bottom of the heap:


(from Oddly Enough, Reuters, used w/o permission)

To their credit, fashion designers create separate but equally grotesque wardrobes for men, as Mr. Basler demonstrated in another 2010 'worst' list.



"My name is Cecil, I play the ukulele…"
Oddly Enough, Reuters blog (April 5, 2010)

"Hey there, Gorgeous! You come to this bar often?

"I myself make this scene a couple times a week. Gotta spread myself around where the hot chicks are, am I right?

"Yo Joey! My usual! Double Crème de Menthe on the rocks!

"Anyhoo, my name's Cecil. I'm a Leo, I play the ukulele, and I've been to ALL five of the Great Lakes.

"I sell homemade lunch meat door-to-door. It's a good living, Cutie-Pie.

"Oh, this outfit? It's IMPORTED. From China...."

The Lemming doesn't know who dreamed that up. Or why. Perhaps the designer had been forced to make one too many accordion pleat skirts.

Mr. Basler dubbed that orange thing a "rube tube:" speculating that the orange see-through cummerbund is intended for overweight middle aged guys — who want something to hold in their bellies on the beach.

And, of course, are color blind and devoid of aesthetic judgment.

Sorry, the Lemming can't take much more of this: but feels compelled to share one last designer — thing.

"Once upon a time, in a blog like this…"
Oddly Enough, Reuters blog (January 28, 2010)

"Blog Guy, it's me. Goldilocks. All grown up. Out here on the slag pile where fairytale characters go when they've outlived their usefulness. Wrung out, discarded like old porridge…

"Yeah, I get it. What are you doing in this sleazy dive? What happened to the three bears?

"You can't tell? They're still with me. They'll never leave. Baby Bear is now a grown-up chain-smoker with a gambling problem. All of us, wrung out, discarded, like…

"Right. Like old porridge. Take a load off and look at some fashion designs for you and your three friends...."

Looking at that first photo, the Lemming's immediate thought was that this could be a case of gene therapy gone horribly wrong.


Then, the Lemming took a look at the model's face.

One can't tell for sure, since photography hadn't been invented at the time, but the Lemming suspects it's the sort of look long-suffering ladies of Europe's colorful past may have had, before they stuck something long and sharp into an offensive person.

Manuel Bolano, creator of that — thing — she's wearing should be glad he's living in the 21st century, where skewering people for personal reasons is often frowned upon.

Barely-related posts:

• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "Night of the Creeping Tree"
  (February 21, 2014)
• " '...Charming, Quiet Neighborhood' "
  (January 3, 2014)
• "Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2"
  (December 23, 2011)
• "Lemming Tracks: Report from the Department of Silly Hats"
  (April 30, 2011)

Attack of the Infographic, or, Break the Creative Block Before it Breaks You

"How Can We Overcome the Creative Block (Infographic)"
Spyros Thalassinos, make your ideas art (December 3, 2012)

"Creative block is the inability to access the flow of inspiration and creativity. It can last for days, months, and in some cases years. See how you can overcome it, with this cool infographic: 10 Fun Ways...."

Some of the advice could be over-budget for the Lemming, like "take a vacation."

It's like the 'how to manage your money' books that start out by suggesting that you sell one of your yachts. Oh, well: the "vacation" thing says "roam around your town," after "visit another country:" maybe the Lemming is being too harsh.

"Doodle and collect" sounds like what we called "goofing off" in the Lemming's younger years. Come to think of it, anything creative was often called "goofing off." Maybe the author/artist is on to something.

"Diversify interests?!" More often, the Lemming's problem was sticking with one interest long enough to write a coherent paragraph: which might or might not have anything to do with coherent light, or "lasers;" or tasers - - - you see what the Lemming means?

Then there's "follow the stars," which may or may not refer to movie stars whose talents are - - - no, the Lemming really doesn't want to be too harsh. Aha! "In your industry," so "star" means someone who actually is competent: not an astronomical body characterized by thermonuclear fusion and lots of really hot gas; which reminds the Lemming of Congress.

Where was the Lemming?

Point number nine is "be a kid again." "Again?" Chronological progression notwithstanding, the Lemming never stopped being a kid. Then there's the distinction between being childlike and childish, and that's yet another topic. Topics.

One more thing: the actual infographic is a bit over twice the linear dimensions of the copy in this post.

That makes it over four times the size in terms of area, but quite a few folks would say 'about twice as big' anyway, without specifying what "big" meant in that particular context.

Then there was the textbook that said "diameter," when the dimension was obviously circumference: and that's - what else? More topics.

A tip of the hat to Steve Farnsworth, on Twitter, for the heads-up on that infographic.

Allegedly-related posts:

• "Another Blogger's Readers Opine on Writing"
  (June 25, 2011)
• " 'My Dog Ate My Blog?!' "
  (December 13, 2010)
  • The Lemming's micro-review remains
  • The URL is one with Nineveh and Tyre
• "Making a Work Space that Works For a Writer"
  (July 28, 2010)
• ""Monkey See, Monkey Blue" - Who Knows? Somebody May Try This"
  (April 2, 2010)
• "Blogging to Boost Creativity"
  (November 17, 2009)

Music, Walking Ads, and Other Ways to Drive Away Visitors

"12 Annoying Things About Your Website That Drive People Away"
Shelly Kramer, V3 (Vision. Voice. Value. V3 Integrated Marketing) (June 21, 2012)

"...12. Music

"Music blares the minute I visit your site. That is unexpected, disruptive, and downright rude, from a customer experience standpoint. And, in case you weren't sure, it ticks me (and most people) off more than just about anything. Wake up and smell the coffee! That is so 2001. Frankly, it wasn't cool even back then—but today, music on your website can mean the kiss of death....

"...9. Walking Ads

"[Cue scream here.] Speaking of pop-ups, walking ads stink even more. They are annoying, disruptive, and inconsiderate. I came to your site for information. You only have one chance to make a good first impression, and walking ads are not the way to do it. I don't care who sold you on it. It’s a bad idea...."

This is a well-written and useful look at what *not* to do: in other words, the Lemming agrees with most of the 12 points. Most, not necessarily all.

For example, annoying thing #5 says:

"...Black backgrounds and white or grey type are nearly IMPOSSIBLE to read. With very few exceptions (there are some sites done very well by people who know what they're doing, but they are rare), cut it out...."

A bit later in that paragraph the author urges folks to do marketing research before committing to a black background. That, in the Lemming's opinion, is good advice: certainly for a commercial website, and probably for most personal ones.

Marketing research - for a personal website?! That's another topic.

Getting back to 'down with black backgrounds:' The Lemming's experience is that low contrast between text and background is more of a problem than black backgrounds. This is where designers should remember that not everybody has the same sort of monitor, among other things.

The article's bottom line is - under the "Bottom Line" heading:

"...Great design is cool. And cool is nice. But that isn't enough when it comes to effective online marketing...."

The Lemming agrees: although it's great if a website or blog can be cool and effective.

(A tip of the Lemming's hat to Sonia Winland, on Linkedin, for the heads-up on this article.)

Related posts:

• "Top 10 Blog Design Mistakes"
  (December 14, 2011)
• "Good Website Advice For Everybody, Actually"
  (July 7, 2010)
• "SEO Optimization: What Not to Do"
  (March 2, 2010)
• " 'About Us' - Why It's Important, How to Design Yours"
  (July 30, 2009)
• "Website Design: Just Because Everybody Else is Doing it - - -"
  (February 4, 2009)

Top 10 Blog Design Mistakes

"Weblog Usability: The Top Ten Design Mistakes"
Jakob Nielsen's Alertbox (October 17, 2005)

"Blogs are a form of website. The thousands of normal website usability guidelines therefore apply to them, as do this year's top ten design mistakes. But weblogs are also a special genre of website; they have unique characteristics and thus distinct usability problems.

"One of a weblog's great benefits is that it essentially frees you from 'Web design.' You write a paragraph, click a button, and it's posted on the Internet. No need for visual design, page design, interaction design, information architecture, or any programming or server maintenance...."

Yes, the Lemming noticed: That page is more than six years old. Back then, we had wood-burning computers: so you might think there's no point in following that link.

Quite a bit has changed since Google launched its Google Personalized Homepage and Correlate. On the other hand, the Lemming thinks folks are still plagued by the usability issues listed on Nielsen's page:

1. No Author Biographies
2. No Author Photo
3. Nondescript Posting Titles
4. Links Don't Say Where They Go
5. Classic Hits are Buried
6. The Calendar is the Only Navigation
7. Irregular Publishing Frequency
8. Mixing Topics
9. Forgetting That You Write for Your Future Boss
10. Having a Domain Name Owned by a Weblog Service

"Weblog Usability..." tells what each point means, and why it's important. If you're willing to overlook slightly-archaic words, like "weblog," the Lemming think you might find a useful reminder on that Alertbox page. Or, not.

Obviously, the Lemming doesn't follow all of Mr. Nielsen's advice: and that's another topic.

There's also a link to Jakob Nielsen's "Top 10 Mistakes in Web Design," which the Lemming also thinks is worth a look.

Allegedly-related posts:

• "Website Design, Smart Writing Techniques, and a Ranting Lemming"
  (November 30, 2011)
• "Psychology of Web Design: Not At All Bad as an Introduction"
  (May 24, 2010)
• "Link List of Resources for Website Designers"
  (November 13, 2009)
• "Are Moods Really Blue? Color, Psychology, and Culture"
  (May 21, 2008)
• "Hiring a Web Guy? Be Careful Who You Hire"
  (March 4, 2008)

BTW: Avoid Clichés Like the Plague

"The war on clichés - raising awareness for bloggers"
The hermeneutic of continuity (June 14, 2011)

"(The 'raising awareness' bit was a joke.) John Rentoul has a good list of clichés that are best avoided ('banned' in his article.) I admit to having used one or two of them and will try to do better. Sometimes these phrases might be used in jest such as 'a raft of measures' which I think is a funny way to describe a list of things that people are intending to do to pretend that they are solving a problem.

"Is it better to read blogs or books? This is a futile discussion since people can read and write both. Many bloggers become better writers simply because they write so much: I am sure that my own writing has improved over the past few years. Bloggers are also instantly punished in their comment boxes for mistakes in spelling and grammar (there are not so many pedants in punctuation.)

"If you write regularly, it is worth taking the time occasionally to consult some guides to good, clear English."

The post's author says that a set of writing rules made by George Orwell is "still valuable:" and the Lemming's inclined to agree. Pretty much. Here's that Orwell list:

• Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
• Never use a long word where a short one will do.
• If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
• Never use the passive where you can use the active.
• Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
• Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

Are these rules set in stone? For starters, that's a cliché. For the most part, that's a good, common-sense set of rules for coherent writing. The 'never use passive' point, for example.

On the other hand, "never" isn't a term the Lemming likes using where written communication is concerned.

Here's a short selection from the list of 100 clichés that Mr. Rentoul assembled, with the Lemming's opinion. The Independent is a United Kingdom publication, so this list almost certainly applies to British English, but it's probably useful on the west side of the Atlantic, too.

• 1. It's the economy, stupid.
  • That's still in use??
• 7. Learning curve.
  • Also "paradigm"
    • See #72
• 9. Celebrating diversity.
  • When humorists make cracks, it's time to quit:
    • 'De more you have, di verse it gets'
• 23. Apologies for lack of postings.
  • Unless the explanation is useful or funny
• 31. IMO, IMHO, LOL, ROFL and so on. I mean, whose opinion is it going to be? Genuinely witty abbreviations, however, are permitted, for example, QTWTAIN, YYSSW, IICRS (Questions to Which the Answer is No; Yeah, Yeah, Sure, Sure, Whatever; Iraq Inquiry Coverage Rebuttal Service).
  • The Lemming uses "in the Lemming's opinion" quite a bit
    • For clarity
    • To distinguish from facts or opinions of others
• 55. Exponential or exponentially used to mean big or a lot.
  • Unless the progression really is exponential
    • It's a very specific term
• 71. Fairly unique.
  • Something is unique - or not-unique
    • Might be okay in a literary use
      • Sort of like "he's fairly dead"
• 72. Paradigm shift. Or anything to do with a paradigm.
  • Somebody's still using "paradigm?!!"
• 76. Real people and the real world. In real time.
  • Unless the author actually means "in real time"
    • It's a rather technical term, though
• 100. The suffix -gate added to any news theme supposedly embarrassing to a government.
  • Anything else hinting that the writer thinks it's still 1974
  (John Rentoul, Eagle Eye, The Independent (UK))

The other 9/10 of the list is, in the Lemming's opinion (!) worth reading. And thinking about.

On the other hand (arguably (!) another cliché), if something in that list is positively the best word or phrase to express an idea? The Lemming thinks it's probably okay.

Not-completely-unrelated posts:

• "Palavering About Palaver"
  (June 4, 2011)
• "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email: 10 Easy Points"
  (February 24, 2011)
• "Five Writing Mistakes: And Why Bloggers Should Avoid Them"
  (November 30, 2010)
• "How to Write Better: 100 Posts"
  (July 16, 2009)
• "Eschew Obuscation, and Other Good Writing Advice"
  (June 4, 2008)

---

A tip of the hat to @FatherTF, on Twitter, for the heads-up on this post.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email: 10 Easy Points

"How to Be a Jerk in E-mail"
Eric Griffith, PCMAG.com (February 23, 2011)

" 'Friends' are for social networks. But e-mail is for everyone, even enemies, frenemies, family, and co-workers, of course. E-mail remains the killer app of Internet communications for one reason: you can't really do anything wrong in e-mail. Seriously, follow these ten tips and you might end a marriage or two, lose your livelihood, or look like a complete and utter fool, but that won't be your fault. It's e-mail, where anything goes, you can do what you want, and so-called 'netiquette' doesn't apply. Right?

"Uh...okay. If you buy that, then keep reading, [insert insult here]. We're sure you'll take it all to heart.

"1. Never BCC
"You should always put every e-mail address in the "To" field, especially if you're mailing to your entire address list—and that goes double if you're at work. CC'ing folks only makes them feel unworthy. And using the BCC, well, that's just plain rude. Why not put it all out there? Don't you want all your recipients to be friends with each other?...

Eric Griffith wrote "How to Be a Jerk..." with tongue firmly in cheek, and the Lemming thoroughly enjoyed it. Your experience may vary.

And now, for those who need help being jerks, here's a sample of that advice:

"...2. Always 'Reply All'
"Remember that Super Bowl commercial where the guy was so upset that he might have done a 'Reply All?' Such nonsense. It's best to click 'Reply All' every single time, just to be sure you're covered. That way no one is ever left out. It's particularly important when you write a long-winded diatribe about the monumental stupidity of a cubicle neighbor…or your boss.

"3. Write a Book
"Do not keep to just one topic in an e-mail. What a waste. It's always best to fit in as many bullet points as possible. Better yet, eschew bullets for several paragraphs on several topics and clump them together into one gigantic über-missive. The greater the length, the more details, the more topics covered in the e-mail, the better. Bonus: Make the subject line of the e-mail a rant in and of itself....

Actually, the Lemming has used bullet points in emails, and memos: but the 'pick a topic and stick to it' advice is sound. Or, if you're trying to alienate folks: Go ahead and ramble.

Wait a minute - - - the Lemming rambles at times does that mean - - -?

Back to the 'be a jerk' article:

"...4. Don't Sweat Infection
"Sure, others may be chicken about getting a computer virus, but you're not as cowardly and stupid as them, right? Forgo the installation of anti-malware software and feel free to download and click those attachments. All of them. Especially the ones in spam. What's the worst that could happen? Maybe you will actually get some free 'enhancement' pills.

"5. Attach Big Files
"Got a fantastic digital photo of your sleeping cat you want to share?..."

And that's just the first page. Here's what you'll find on the second, with the occasional interjection by the Lemming:

"...6. SHOUT IT, SHOUT IT OUT LOUD..."

Yes, some folks still use ALL CAPS. or not capsatall and minimalpunctuationmaybeitsbeingcreativelikeeecummings

"...7. Make Esoteric Signatures..."

Eric Griffith explains, with a picture. One that's worth, in the Lemming's opinion, a thousand words:



"...8. Pass On Problems..."

The Lemming expected something about those memorable folks who inform you, in clinical detail, what the doctor discovered during their last colonoscopy, or why they never eat meat. Instead, the topic was those wonderful opportunities the Lemming finds now and again: heads of state who need the Lemming's help to move their fortunes around; work-at-home opportunities; that sort of thing.

"...9. Spread Out Your Bad Self..."

On this one, the Lemming agrees: to an extent. One email address is best, for anyone who's serious about getting replies. On the other hand, sometimes it's better to have a 'personal' and a 'business' account - and that's another topic or two.

"10. Write When Enraged..."

The Lemming loves a particular bit of this point: "...You need to get your lizard-brain thoughts down quickly, without thinking it through. It's called catharsis, people, look it up!..."

"Lizard-brain thoughts:" That's a wonderful way to describe those knee-jerk, instant reactions that most of us learn to control somewhere before adolescence. In the Lemming's opinion, of course. Then there's that word, "catharsis." The Lemming remembers those balmy days after wig pickers started saying that 'catharsis' was good for you - and before others noticed the mess that catharsis spills make.

Moving on.

The PCMag.com article is fun, a fairly fast read, and full of fanciful philosophizing. Fraught, in fact.

Enough of that.

For what it's worth, the Lemming suspects that quite a few folks are sensible - and don't clog email with what Eric Griffith described. It's like the fellow at a gathering whose voice has two settings: loud; and overbearing.

The Lemming will skip the usual hand-wringing about the appalling state of communication skills and emotional maturity online. You've probably heard it all before.

Besides, it's a beautiful day here in central Minnesota: and the Lemming's not going to rant.

Well, maybe just a little.

Here's something the Lemming ran across, back in 2008:



I found it on a page whose title is 'the disordered clipboard of Giuseppe Mazza,' except it's in Italian. Not the cartoon, the title.

Enjoy.

Related posts:

• "Nigerian Scams, Internet Safety, Fraud, and Human Nature: The Lemming Gets Wordy"
  (November 17, 2008)
• " 'Get Off My Thread' - Discussion Threads, Ownership,and Netiquette"
  (July 17, 2008)
• "To Forward, or Not to Forward, That is the Question"
  (April 17, 2008)
• "Email Personality Types: An Unscientific, Superficial, Thoroughly Fun, and Rather Accurate List"
  (April 10, 2008)
• "Netiquette: A Guide"
  (August 5, 2007)

Top Tech Nifties, 2010

"Top 10 Tech Highlights of 2010 -- and What's in Store for 2011"
DAWN KAWAMOTO Dawn Kawamoto, DailyFinance (January 1, 2011)

"Quick quiz: In 2010, did you purchase an Apple (AAPL) iPad or a smartphone, or sign up for Netflix? If you answered yes, congratulations -- you were part of at least one of the top tech trends of 2010.

"The last year was defined by a broad range of significant technology trends and events, several of which stemmed from the iPad launch. Here's our list of the top 10:

"1) Launch of the iPad: The iPad jump-started the tablet market in the big way. Sure, there were early pioneers in the market, like Apple's Newton in the mid-1990s and Microsoft's (MSFT) tablet launch in 2001, but it was the iPad that drew a flood of other me-too tablets to the market, from Dell's Streak to Samsung's Galaxy Tab. As James Ragan, senior equity analyst of Crowell, Weedon & Co., puts it: 'The iPad launched the whole tablet segment and proved groundbreaking.'

"2) E-Readers Take Off: At least partly thanks to the iPad launch, e-readers like Amazon.com's (AMZN) Kindle and Barnes & Noble's (BKS) Nook..."

If there aren't any big surprises in the list - that should be no surprise. Think about it: Are top tech events likely to be something that few folks have heard of?

Number eight on the list isn't, the Lemming thinks, so much "tech" as business or culture: Google's deciding to leave China. Google's interested in connecting folks with information. The lot that's running China is interested in keeping folks from finding information - other than what the leaders want their subjects to know. Folks following those two philosophies weren't likely to play well together.

The Lemming's written about Google and China before:

• "Google Pulling Out of China? I've Heard Worse News"
  (March 14, 2010)

Geeky Christmas Gifts: Starting With a Stapler

"Last-Minute Geeky Christmas Gifts"
Dylan F. Tweney, Gadget lab, Wired (December 21, 2010)

"Is it too late for holiday shopping? Not at all. If you act fast, you can still get some cool gifts for the geeks on your list. Some are available online and some require a trip to a local store — but all of the items on this list are likely to be well-received by any Wired reader.

"This is a partial list, of course. Got any great last-minute nerd gift suggestions? Hit us in the comments!..."

The first item listed is a red Swingline stapler. Which, apparently, isn't a joke.

The Lemming would like a red stapler: but hadn't realized that so many folks enjoyed office equipment.

Next on the list is H2O Audio's Surge 2G headphones, then something that looked like duct tape. Again, the Lemming would like that sort of thing - wait a minute. It's not duct tape. It's a spindle of DVD-Rs.

Okay: You get the idea. The post is around midway between being a serious listing of gift suggestions for a particular demographic - and a not-so-serious look at what's out there for folks who like office supplies.

Top Eight Goofiest Photos, 2010? Quite Likely

"The eight goofiest photos of 2010"
Robert Basler, Oddly Enough (December 13, 2010)

"I am thankful every single day for the photos I get to use in this blog.

"Without them, I would just be another doofus trying to describe goofy stuff in words, and who needs that?

"I'd be like, 'Oh man, you should have seen Hillary's face when Karzai pulled a quarter out of her ear!' Or like, 'Queen Elizabeth was so cheesed off when Prince Charles described that cockroach he found in his haggis!'

"Instead, you get to see this stuff for yourselves. A short guy enjoying the view at a beauty pageant, a workman using a jackhammer with his feet…..."

Like somebody said, 'you can't make this stuff up, folks.'

Well, maybe the haggis thing is exaggerated. Not the photo - that's in the blog. I mean the cockroach. Some of my forebears come from the land of haggis and thistles - and cockroaches are not part of the recipe.

Wait a minute. Prince Charles is an English prince. Maybe returning the Stone of Scone wasn't enough for some overwrought Scot, who expressed himself with a little extra protein for the prince.

Seriously? Robert Basler's got a rare talent for this sort of thing - and this collection could very well be the absolute goofiest photos of the year.

The Lemming thought the photos and commentary were funny. Your experience may vary.

Mr. Basler's Worst Men's Fashions, 2010

"Manure couture: worst men's fashion"
Robert Basler, Oddly Enough blog, Reuters (December 10, 2010)



"Okay, we all had our laughs yesterday at the year's worst women's fashions.

"Today's topic, awful new men's fashions, is a bit more personal and painful.

"After all, I have to wear this stuff myself to set a good example, as you can see in the photo above of me and my brother at our grandmother's recent funeral.

"This was a year when we were treated to outfits too embarrassing to describe, knowing full well that we'll all be wearing this stuff by spring. Heck, there won’t be anything else for sale...."

Whether due to the psychological trauma of reviewing men's fashions of 2010, or some other factor, Mr. Basler's list numbers but eight.

As with his review of women's couture, Mr. Basler's list is in the familiar reverse, or countdown, order: from number eight, "I see you've been shopping in Paris, Lamar," to "Twice the shame, twice the idiocy…:"

The Lemming is, once more, transfixed by an array of visions given form by an international agglomeration of designers. From what hidden garths and fissures of a designer's mind came theses inspirations?

Consider, for example, the young man at your left in the adjoining paired photographs. He might be suitably cast as a member of the Jets in a West Side Story remake. By what arcane process did a designer come to the conclusion that this fellow should wear a dark floral print shirt: and what appears to be a calf-length skirt?

As for the chap wearing - a suitcase and an accordion? Words fail the Lemming.

Then there's what Mr. Basler calls the "rube tube." It's - - - orange.

And unsuitable for outdoor use during Minnesota winters.

Mr. Basler may be right, speculating that the orange see-through cummerbund is intended for overweight middle aged guys - who want something to hold in their bellies on the beach. And, of course, are color blind and devoid of aesthetic judgment.

Orange?

See-through?

Again, as the Lemming asked in a micro-review of Women's fashions: Why?!

One two demented designers, having momentarily eluded their handlers: yes, that could explain the occasional see-through orange cummerbund or accordion-suitcase ensemble. But this cavalcade of dandified detritus! How do these refugees from some moonstruck realm get so many others, in so many places, to take them seriously?!

Like this amazing thing. Mr. Basler said, in "Just head for the sea, Lee, and dress like the Klan, Stan…," that this outfit was: "Everything the stylish, happenin' white supremacist needs for the beach."

With respect to Mr. Basler's standing as an expert on fashion, foil wrap, and antlers: Another explanation is possible, in the Lemming's opinion.

This creation, with its seemingly haphazard juxtapositions of robe, cross, and motorcycle goggles, might be our first glimpse of another Hollywood remake. For the summer of 2011, movie-goers might be treated to an action-packed adventure based on two films of the seventies: Inquisition and Mad Max.

Or maybe a designer fell asleep while watching The Birth of a Nation.

Related posts:

• "Mr. Basler's Worst Women's Fashions of the Year"
  (December 9, 2010)
• "Fashion, Drawings of Brains, and Space Aliens"
  (November 29, 2010)
• "Flying Cucumber? Psychedelic Skyrocket? Dress?!"
  (July 26, 2010)
• "A Really Weird Fashion Design: and My Take on Yunjin"
  (April 7, 2010)
  • Or, "My name is Cecil, I play the ukulele…"
• "Good Grief, What Was the Fashion Designer Thinking?!"
  (March 8, 2010)
  Also see
  • "Frankenmodel: Or, 'After This Job, You Die'"
    (January 29, 2010)
• "More Fashion Weirdness: You Can't Make This Stuff Up"
  (January 22, 2010)

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Mr. Basler's Worst Women's Fashions of the Year

"Yeah, it makes your butt look big; worst women's fashions of the year…"
Robert Basler, Oddly Enough blog, Reuters (December 9, 2010)

"It was a year when models hit the international fashion runways looking like kitchen utensils, nutcrackers, forest creatures and, well, the recently deceased.

"You know it was a bad year in fashion when my blog item that was headlined 'The worst dress in the history of Earth?' barely makes it onto my Top 10 Worst Fashions list.

"And yes, you know it was a very, very bad year in women's fashion when the hottest new model featured in this blog was Hulga Fekrat...."

That's Hugla, next to the headline, by the way. At least, the photo's file name is "worst-womens-hulga-200.jpg," and the one next to this paragraph is "fekrat-240-vertical1.jpg."

Imagine that you've been working late. Walking to your car, you turn a corner: and Hulga is waiting for you.

An explanation for why someone thought it would be a good idea to make a model look like an extra in Star War's Mos Eisley Cantina - and let the result be photographed - may be connected to an answer to a greater question: Why do fashion shows exist?

Anyway, this Oddly Enough post employs the familiar 'countdown' format for its list of "10 worst fashion creations" list, from "The worst dress in the history of Earth?" in tenth place, to number one: "All of you girls are named Bambi?"

The Lemming previously micro-reviewed the tenth-place post: "Flying Cucumber? Psychedelic Skyrocket? Dress?!" (July 26, 2010)) The cucumber's wings move, by the way.

Then there's this - thing - that reminds the Lemming of visions evoked by bad mushrooms, back in the sixties. It's from the third-from-the-bottom entry in Mr. Basler's list. Another 'creation' displayed in that post suggests that its designer suffered a traumatic childhood experience involving an umbrella and a taco.

Which reminds the Lemming of this excerpt from David S. Zondy's Tales of Future Past website:

"When evolution went 'huh?' I have no idea what is going on here. Our heroes seem to be confronted with a pair of men from a planet where calamari and pancakes developed intelligence and then committed crimes against nature...."
("Tales of the Stars," Tales of Future Past)

The Lemming's bridge from baking-foil fashion and taco couture is probably the food angle. Being ADHD-inattentive helps. ("Brilliant, Talented, and On Medication," A Catholic Citizen in America (November 30, 2010))

Back, with a shudder, to the depths of high fashion.

Maybe it's foil gift wrap, not colored baking foil.

Anyway, here's number one on Mr. Basler's list. Among the fashions of 2010, this may indeed be the bottom of the heap:


(from Oddly Enough, Reuters, used w/o permission)
Antlers. It's from the "Unique 2010 Autumn/Winter collection during London Fashion Week, February 20, 2010." But - WHY?!

The Lemming thinks that Mr. Basler had, as he implied, a difficult task: selecting which flotsam from psychological shipwrecks were nearest the nadir.

Finally, here's that baking foil/gift wrap wonder again, contrasted with an umbrella-and-taco nightmare in black:


(from Oddly Enough, Reuters, used w/o permission)

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Top Ten Goofy 2010 True Stories: From the Oddly Enough Blog

"The 10 goofiest true stories of the year…"
Robert Basler, Oddly Enough blog, Reuters (December 7, 2010)

"Don’t tell anybody, but this was a pretty easy year for me.

"Even though I write for a Serious News Organization, as a humor blogger I’m allowed to invent strange stuff because I don’t fool anybody, and it’s cheaper than giving me a travel budget.

"But in 2010 I was blessed with so many great and goofy TRUE stories, I hardly had to use my imagination at all.

"What a Goof-a-Ganza it was! How can you top wacky ideas like installing a toilet timer so workers have only 10 minutes to do their business? Or the genius who tried to smuggle 28 TONS of garlic?..."

And, yes: the list includes the tourists who complained that they were forced to shop.

Then there was the airliner whose passengers were treated to a prerecorded 'warning! We're going down at sea!' message. Accidentally.

There's a link to each of the top-ten examples of weirdness. Including the accidental warning message. That post includes a few really good questions. Like: "Just WHY is there a prepared message saying the plane is about to crash into the sea? Do you really need it that often?" (Oddly Enough (August 30, 2010))

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Five Writing Mistakes: And Why Bloggers Should Avoid Them

"5 Mistakes Everyone Makes When Writing for the Web"
Tucker Cummings, Blue Glass (November 29, 2010)

"If you are a seasoned blogger or online content writer, this post may be a little basic for you. For others just learning how to maximize their writing on the Internet, however, this post is a solid education in what not to do.

"There are many great writers creating content on the Internet, but even the best writers can falter when it comes to sharing their work online. No matter how talented a writer may be, or how thoroughly they've researched their topic, a seasoned writer can still make rookie mistakes...."

The five mistakes:

1. Long Paragraphs
2. Forgetting to Check Your Sources
3. Tossing Out the Funk and Wagnalls
4. Starting a Flame War
5. Missing Great Opportunities

The Lemming would add a sixth mistake: Not reading about those five mistakes. The post is mercifully short, easy to read, and sensible - in my opinion.

Also, again in the Lemming's opinion, a good review - even for someone who's been writing for a while.

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A tip of the hat to Steveology, on Twitter, for the heads-up on this post.

Twitter Safety Tips: You Probably Know This Already

"10 Twitter Safety Tips To Protect Your Account & Identity"
makeuseof.com (December 16, 2009)

"While Twitter is a fun place to hang out, it has associated risks just like any other social network. As examples of the risks involved with Twitter, there are phishing scams, government security lapses, and people getting fired because of tweeting.

"Here are 10 solid Twitter safety tips you can make use of to enjoy Twitter and protect yourself.

"#1: Never Share Personal Information...."

They're talking about "email, personal or business address, telephone numbers" and pieces of information that someone could misuse.

It's all common sense, right down to the tenth item: always use a firewall and anti-virus software. The latter had better be the newer 'anti-malware' package - although they're still referred to as "anti-virus" software.

Still, like the subject of my last post, it's a fast read and good review.

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A tip of the hat to TweetSmarter, on Twitter, for the heads-up on this post.

What Not to Do on Twitter

"Twitter faux pas (10 Twitter no-no's)"
Info Carnivore (July 4, 2010)

"I've now published two articles on twitter etiquette (twitterquette) and they've been well received. What about twitter no-no's. What NOT to do or tweet on twitter? Here are ten that I've come up with. What are your suggested twitter no-no's?

"1. One word tweets. At least put a few words together and have something make sense. Single word tweets mean nothing to pretty much everyone. This includes mentions that are nothing but a user name.

"2. Old, old, news. Re-tweeting your discovery of a video that went viral four years ago is top notch lame! Everyone else on the internet has already seen it. Be happy you finally did and move on, no need to remind everyone...."

And so it goes: it's a fast read, all the way to:

"...10. Personal tweets. That's what facebooks for, don't you think?"

Some of the points are simple common sense: Don't tell everybody on Twitter that you're going to be gone for a week. You may as well add that you left the key under the doormat and hang out a sign reading 'please rob me' while you're at it.

Others - particularly, in my opinion, #10 - are a bit more subjective. I'd have to know what the author means by "personal tweets." If it's the sort of 'I'm flossing my teeth now' thing: yes, that's too much information that online friends and acquaintances can probably live without.

In my case, though, I'm on Twitter to meet and communicate with people, not just plug my [Excellent! Stupendous! Brilliant!] blog posts. If I don't share personal information now and then, I'll come across like one of those spambots.

Bottom line, though: this is a short read. And a good review, even if you figure you already know about how not to lose friends and alienate people online.

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A tip of the hat to danielsnyder1, on Twitter, for the heads-up on his post.

Surviving Office Life: 10 Points to Remember

"Top 10 Tips for Surviving Office Life"
lifehacker (July 17, 2010)

"The modern office isn't quite a wretched hive of scum and villainy, but it's not always pleasant, either. If your workspace, your co-workers, or your sinking feeling of not getting anything done needs fixing, here are ten possible remedies...."

The rest of the post is a reverse-countdown, from "10. Have Someone Else Do Your Handicapping" to "1. Ignore People—Seriously."

It's common-sense advice, like not telling folks why you can't do your job (they might believe you).

I had to think a little about "3. Avoid Email Annoyances and Red Flags," but it makes sense, even if you don't work in a shady enterprise. Managers and executives would tend to get nervous, seeing phrases like "huge mistake" and "can't believe" in emails. Particularly if they've recently read about another major financial/industrial meltdown. Bottom line there: Don't make your boss nervous unless it's really necessary.

The post has links to related pages - and is an easy, fairly fun read.

By the way: Happy Monday!

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A tip of the hat to doFargoMoorhead, on Twitter, for the heads-up on this post.

Drowning People Don't Shout: Water Safety Article

"Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning"
Mario Vittone (May 18, 2010)

"The new captain jumped from the cockpit, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the owners who were swimming between their anchored sportfisher and the beach. 'I think he thinks you're drowning,' the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. 'We're fine, what is he doing?' she asked, a little annoyed. 'We're fine!' the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. 'Move!' he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners. Directly behind them, not ten feet away, their nine-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, 'Daddy!'"

The article's written for a print-format magazine, so the paragraphs are longer than what's usually seen online: but it's a fairly easy, fast, read.

And reading it could save the life of someone in your family.

That may sound overly-dramatic, but I think it's accurate. And, I'm particularly aware of the need for good sense around water, since I live in central Minnesota. 'Lake country' starts just north of here, and people drown each year.

Granted, the odds of death by drowning for each person in a given year is about 1 in 100,000: but it won't feel good if that the dead body was someone you know.

If you don't read the article here's a bit of insight, from near the end of the article. If you ask someone in the water 'are you okay?' and all you get is a blank stare - they're not.

There's a five-point list describing the instinctive drowning response, from the Coast Guard's On Scene magazine, and a bulletized list of other signs of drowning.

Bottom line? Drowning doesn't look like the dramatized situations we see on television and in the movies. This article tells about the real thing: in enough detail to maybe safe a life.

More:

• On Scene magazine (pdf format)
  The Journal of U. S. Coast Guard Search and Rescue (Fall 2006)
  (I've saved a copy of this issue on another server.)
• "Minnesota yearly watercraft & water accident record"
  Minnesota Department of Natural Resources

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A tip of the hat to , on Twitter, for the heads-up on this article.

Writing For Blogs: Pretty Good Advice, and a Seven-Point List

"Writing Tip: Articles Must have Substance"
Dragon Blogger (May 25, 2010)

"Readers have a choice of millions of web sites to read, and even if you do manage to SEO and keyword your article to make it into the first page on Google search for your related topic you risk losing your audience and gaining any sort of repeat viewership if you do not have substance to your articles. When I am talking about substance here I mean real depth and meat, this means you will not retain constant viewers if all you do is regurgitate or summarize other posts, news stories online but you must have a detailed and thorough article that provides the user with more information and possibly answers than they had prior to reading your article.

"By engaging your readers and posing a few questions or challenges you can also add substance to your article, but make sure you ask questions that are on topic and invite your reader to respond or think about the questions you have asked if no response is required.

"I myself am guilty of sometimes writing quick articles that are nothing more than highlights, summaries or very high level overviews of something that I found interesting. I do these more to show off and point the reader at another article I found rather than re-hash the same material on my own site with my own words...."

There are seven points, starting with:

• "Does my article have a clear topic and message?
• "Did I get my point across?
• "Can reader understand my message?..."

They're all pretty basic: 'Writing 101' stuff. But 'basic' is important - it's the foundation for everything else. Which is, I'll grant, a hideously over-used metaphor.

Bottom line? That post is either good reviewof, or a good introduction into, how to write a blog post. Or just about anything else.

I think I've said this before, but: in my opinion, there isn't that much difference between writing for blogs and any other sort of writing. Apart from having to

• Keep firmly on-topic
• Bulletize where possible
• Write tight, clear prose

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A tip of the hat to dragonblogger, on Twitter, for the heads-up on his post.

Blog Comments Categorized: Encouragers to Aliens II - The Response

I did a micro-review of the first post Matthew Warner wrote on this topic Last Friday.

A few things, before this week's micro-review:

• Matthew Warner is Catholic
  • You Have been warned
• These posts on blog comments apply to just about any sort of blog
  • I think
• Despite that "Part 2 of 2" thing - he may come out with a part 3 (of 2??) next week

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"10 Types of Blog Comments: Part 2 of 2"
Matthew Warner blog, The National Catholic Register (June 2, 2010)

"Now for the exciting part-2 conclusion of last week's surprisingly controversial post: 10 types of blog comments (Part 1). Make sure you read Part 1 first to get caught up.

"I had a lot of excellent feedback on part 1, including some very funny comments. So, first of all, thank you for being such great contributors to the topic. We also had some suggestions/criticisms for a few 'types of commenters' that I missed.

"One suggestion was the 'Clown,' who just tries to be funny and sometimes randomly silly. But I think the 'Clown' comment can easily fit under either Contributor, Non-contributor, or Encourager. A Clown is just funny in the process…which is usually a bonus. There's also the 'Tome-ist,' as one creative commenter added. This is a commenter whose comment is so long it could be it's own book. I like that one...."

There's a recommended (specifically not 'set in stone') way to respond to the ten original types. I think Matthew Warner's giving good advice - but then, I agree with most of it. Like this:

"...9) Self-promoters - If a 'promotional' comment is something positive and has to do with the topic, I leave it and perhaps thank them for it. It adds value to the community and discussion. If it's obviously spam, I delete it. If it is promoting something that is dishonest or offensive, I delete that too. I often get people posting anti-catholic websites on my blog comments over on Fallible Blogma. If the link is to an honest site that just happens to disagree with the Catholic Church, I generally leave it as part of the discussion. If it is blatantly dishonest, I usually delete it. I have no obligation to help propagate dishonest lies...."

Which raises an interesting question - if there are "dishonest lies," are there honest lies?

Anyway: It's a pretty good post. Probably worth reading for entertainment value - and with take-in-or-leave-it advice.

Related post:

• "Blog Comments Categorized: Encouragers to Aliens"
  (May 28, 2010)

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A tip of the hat to MatthewWarner, on Twitter, for the heads-up on this post - and for writing the thing.

Blog Comments Categorized: Encouragers to Aliens

I'd better warn you: this post is just simply crawling with Catholic cooties. Don't worry: The Lemming has another post coming soon, that isn't.

You might (maybe) find something useful - or amusing - in this bestiary of blog commenter.

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"10 Types of Blog Comments: Part 1 of 2"
Matthew Warner blog, The National Catholic Register (May 26, 2010)

"Blog comments are like the graffiti of the untamed digital continent.

Some are helpful, like the spray paint on the fence that says “beware of dog.” Others are very impressive, like a beautiful mural. Some obviously took a lot of time and thought. Others are done passionately and quickly. Some are for self-promotion, like a gang sign. Others are done simply to exercise our power to do harm and cause suffering. Many are angry. And still others leave us scratching our heads.

"As bloggers and blog readers, it's helpful to distinguish between the different types. Blog comment sections can be very powerful places to get unique perspectives on an issue, share helpful information, build people up, engage in thoughtful discussion and contribute to the 'soul of the internet.' But far too often they turn into annoying and useless diatribes of self-congratulatory tit-for-tats anonymously pounded out from behind an impersonal keyboard and obscured by thousands of miles of virtual space. That's a waste of an opportunity...."

Matthew Warner is a Catholic, and that "soul of the Internet" phrase is a reference to something the Pope said (see "Giving the Internet a 'Soul?!' No, Really: This Makes Sense," A Catholic Citizen in America (May 8, 2010))

This week's post describes the sort of people you find, leaving comments on your blog. Next week, he'll suggest how to deal with them.

Here's his list, with a paraphrase of how he describes the types:

1. Encouragers
   • Leave simple, encouraging comments
2. Non-contributors
   • Like the encourager, except without encouragement
3. Contributors
   • They write something that makes sense - in the context of the post
4. Destitutes
   • "They just want somebody to talk to."
5. Slackers
   • They didn't read the post, but they've got an opinion
6. Brawlers
   • They like to argue
     • Not learn
7. Angries
   • They're angry
     • And it's somebody's fault
8. Posers
   • They say they don't care - but took time to comment anyway
   • "Their comment basically says 'I don't care about this, but I still took the time to comment and tell you. That's how much I really don't care about this. And now I'm going to get really defensive about something you said-but I really couldn't care less about it.' "
9. Self-promoters
   • Spammers
   • Link-baiters
   • Honest people who want to promote something
10. Aliens
    • Don't make any sense at all
    • From another planet, maybe?

The first comment on that post added two more types:

"Posted by Barbara Garro on Wednesday, May 26, 2010 2:25 PM (EST):
"Here are two more:
"Diarists—those people who tell you they are tired, just got up, have a cold and other information no one needs to know.
"Political Activists—they come with their needle stuck in their cause and post and post and post, sometimes many times a day."

Bottom line? If you blog, odds are that you've gotten comments - and I think you'll find at least a few of these types familiar. I think Matthew Warner did a good job of describing the sorts of commenters bloggers get - with a bit of humor.

What I'm looking forward to is next week's post, when he says how to deal with them. I've read some of his work: so I'm pretty sure that he won't recommend boiling oil and pitchforks.

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A tip of the hat to newadvent, on Twitter, for the heads-up on this post.

And, thanks to MatthewWarner, also on Twitter, for writing the post in the first place.