Christmas at the Lemming's

The Lemming is back, just in time to enjoy a quiet Christmas with a few friends: watching holiday classics like "Wayne and Wanda's Eggnog Nightmare."

Vaguely-related posts:

• "Meet Norbert Nerdly"
  (December 18, 2015)
• "Holiday Viewing Marathon"
  (December 11, 2015)
• "Waiting for Christmas"
  (December 4, 2015)
• "The Uncle Crunchy Ploy"
  (November 26, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)

Holiday Viewing Marathon

The Lemming has no idea what's going on here; or why "Chumley, the Elf Who Slept Through Christmas," "Twinkles and Popbubble: Secret Elves," "Desperately Seeking Dunder and Blixem," "Star Boars Holiday Special: The Pigs Who Saved Christmas," "Flurry the Snowman," "Seymour Osborn's Christmas in Altoona," were in the viewing queue.

Almost-related posts:

• "Waiting for Christmas"
  (December 4, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)
• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)

Waiting for Christmas

Some day we will look back on this and smile.
(Virgil)

It is easy finding reasons why other folks should be patient.
(George Eliot)

The reward of patience is patience.
(Augustine of Hippo, or somebody else)

Just 20 more days.
(the Lemming)

More Thanksgiving-Christmas posts:

• "The Uncle Crunchy Ploy"
  (November 26, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Holiday Travel Plans"
  (December 19, 2014)
• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "Two Turkeys: the Gift Store Gambit"
  (November 27, 2014)

"We Saved You a Piece"

They look — friendly?

More from the Lemming, or less:

• "With the Lemming at Aunt Ida's"
  (January 23, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)
• "It's Morning — Somewhere — Or Maybe Near Sunset"
  (September 12, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Xanadu Springs"
  (June 20, 2014)
• " 'Anchovies and Peanut Butter?!' "
  (October 30, 2013)

Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shop
Nothing was stirring, you could hear a pin drop.
The sleigh was not ready, the toys were not packed,
Santa was fuming and quite lacking in tact.

"Pip!" he called out to the foreman on duty,
Where is your crew? And don't act so snooty!
Pip's feelings were hurt, but he wondered the same
Were they lost? Had they left? Were they playing a game?

"Never mind!" thundered Santa, while grabbing his sack,
"We'll do it ourselves: There are toys in the back."
So into the warehouse like madmen they flew.
Santa and Pip had much packing to do.

And then, down a corridor seldom in use,
They heard something like an hysterical goose.
But no, there were words in that hideous shriek,
It was music: now Santa was prone to critique.

Santa strode to the source of that hideous din,
Closely followed by Pip, who beheld with chagrin:
Three elves and four bottles and, there on a chair,
A boom box whose music was filling the air.

Santa stood for a moment, transfixed by the sight
Then he bellowed so loudly that Pip shook with fright.
"You! Chuckles! And Bubbles! And you, mister Suds!"
Why are you carousing while in your work duds?"

The fate of that threesome Pip would not relate,
Except to recall that the hour was late:
And Santa was anxious to fly in his sleigh,
And dealt with loose ends on the following day.

(This poem appeared originally in the Loonfoot Falls Chronicle-Gazette: December 25, 2009.)

Welcome to the Lemming's world:

• "Holiday for the Lemming; or Time, Tide, and a Tired Lemming; or the Lemming Takes a Break"
  (June 6, 2014)
• "Happy New Year, 2014"
  (December 31, 2013)
• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2"
  (December 23, 2011)
• "Lemming Tracks: Christmas Cookies, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #1"
  (December 24, 2010)

Two Turkeys: the Gift Store Gambit

(Desperation in a gift shop.)

Have these turkeys tasted freedom at last, or is their goose cooked?

Is the gift store gambit a recipe for disaster, or will it pan out?

Will the shopkeeper make mincemeat of their plans and squash their hopes?

And will the Lemming ever tire of holiday puns?

Tracking two turkeys:

• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "Revenge of the Turkey"
  (November 29, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving 2013: No Hiding Place?"
  (November 28, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving Day, 2012: Desperate Times..."
  (November 22, 2012)
• "Lemming Tracks: Thanksgiving, Cartoons, and a Look at the Lemming"
  (November 23, 2011)

Nullurpa: The Unsoda

The Lemming's mind wandered again this week, returning with advertising art: and no explanation.

Allegedly-related posts:

• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "A 'Bookish' Librarian, Art, Words, and a Rambling Lemming"
  (November 8, 2013)
• " 'Anchovies and Peanut Butter?!' "
  (October 30, 2013)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Amateur Night"
  (September 20, 2013)
• "Not Right for the Part"
  (March 17, 2013)

"...Charming, Quiet Neighborhood"

("The Abbey in the Oakwood/Abbey among Oak Trees/Abtei im Eichwald," Caspar David Friedrich, via Wikimedia Commons, used w/o permission.)

Handyman special: secluded, charming, quiet neighborhood.

Is it just the Lemming, or do those trees look like they stopped moving a moment ago?

Allegedly-related posts:

• "A 'Bookish' Librarian, Art, Words, and a Rambling Lemming"
  (November 8, 2013)
• " 'Fountain of Abundance' and the Psychedelic Buffalo"
  (April 27, 2012)
• "April 6, 1912: Manitoba; the Titanic; Atlantis; a Painting; and a Car"
  (April 6, 2012)
• "Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2"
  (December 23, 2011)
• "Zinnias, in Gardens Ablaze, Sound Good Enough to Eat: But Don't"
  (August 14, 2010)

Channel Surfing With the Lemming

Merry Christmas! Or happy holidays, or whatever.

Remember, even if you're feeling down: if you're in Earth's northern hemisphere, days are getting longer; if you're south of Earth's equator, it's summer! Either way, being alive sure beats the alternative.

Vaguely-related posts:

• "Thanksgiving 2013: No Hiding Place?"
  (November 28, 2013)
• "Lemming Tracks: That's Not Santa"
  (December 25, 2011)
• "Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2"
  (December 23, 2011)
• "Lemming Tracks: Christmas With the Lemming"
  (December 16, 2011)
• "Vertically Challenged Persons, Four Pigs and Rudolph: Santa's a Wreck"
  (December 12, 2010)

Thanksgiving 2013: No Hiding Place?

Related posts:

• "Thanksgiving Day, 2012: Desperate Times..."
  (November 22, 2012)
• "Lemming Tracks: Thanksgiving, Cartoons, and a Look at the Lemming"
  (November 23, 2011)
• "Thanksgiving, 2010: Just Outside the Turkey Farm"
  (November 25, 2010)
• "The Strange Tale of the Paper Turkeys"
  (November 29, 2009)
• "Thanksgiving Food and the Agricultural-Industrial Complex"
  (November 28, 2009)

A 'Bookish' Librarian, Art, Words, and a Rambling Lemming

Giuseppe Arcimboldo's The Librarian, painted in 1566, currently residing at Skokloster Castle, Sweden.

If artists paint what they see, Giuseppe was deranged; which has little to do with "Home on the Range;" although spending too much time where the antelope roam might.

On the other hand, maybe his paintings are incisive social commentary; or clever puzzles; or maybe he was essentially not in madness, But mad in craft. Bill had a knack with words: like when Hamlet said "unpack my heart with words," and it's funny how unpack sounds like knack, except that first k is silent, and the Lemming's train of thought jumped the track, which also rhymes with knack.

Which reminded the Lemming that Giuseppe Arcimboldo painted a quartet of seasons: Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter, except they came about ten years apart: the first two and the last two, that is; and October is in autumn, followed by November and December, which got those names because they're the eighth, ninth, and tenth month; but that was when Romans only had ten months in a year, since winter didn't count. Sort of.

That was a long time ago, or maybe not so much. It depends on your frame of reference, and the Lemming definitely needs sleep.

Allegedly-related posts:

• "From the Mind of the Lemming"
  (January 6, 2012)
• "Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2"
  (December 23, 2011)
• "Museum of Modern Art: MoMA isn't a Japanese Cartoon Character"
  (December 7, 2011)
• "Color Theory, Color Wheels, and a Nifty Bracelet"
  (October 12, 2011)
• "Alexander Calder, Mobiles, and Encouraging the Kids"
  (July 22, 2011)

"Anchovies and Peanut Butter?!"

Or: you want it, you pay for it.

Vaguely-related posts:

• "Taiyaki and Wagashi: Genuine Imitation Food Substitutes"
  (October 25, 2013)
• "Killer Tomatoes and a Ranting Lemming"
  (August 6, 2013)
• "July 19, 2013 Filberts, Fardels, and a Rambling Lemming "
  (July 19, 2013)
• "December 23, 2011 Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2 "
  (October 31, 2012)
• "Happy Halloween!"
  (October 31, 2011)

From the Mind of the Lemming: Amateur Night

The Lemming didn't think it was all that funny, either.

You'll find more than you may want to know about Roomba^® at www.irobot.com.

Not-entirely-unrelated posts:

• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Guest Speaker"
  (September 6, 2013)
• "Kleptomaniac Octopus: the Video"
  (June 21, 2013)
• " 'While Strolling Through the Park One Day - - -' "
  (April 12, 2013)
• "Roomba Review, and Dancing Robots"
  (August 17, 2012)
• "Flying Mechanical Penguins"
  (February 12, 2011)

From the Mind of the Lemming: Guest Speaker

The Lemming's mind wandered this week, and dropped in at a conference somewhere.

Almost-entirely-unrelated posts:

• "Not Right for the Part"
  (March 17, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving Day, 2012: Desperate Times..."
  (November 22, 2012)
• "Lemming Tracks: A Change in Schedule"
  (May 14, 2012)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Valentine's Day Dragons"
  (February 14, 2012)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming"
  (January 6, 2012)

The Maastricht Hamburger

A hundred and one years ago a French scientist named Lewis Carrel started growing a chicken heart. Nothing unusual about that, except this bit of chicken meat wasn't inside a chicken.

It was in a laboratory in New York City, run by the Rockefeller Institute. The lab, that is. As far as the Lemming knows the Rockefeller Institute doesn't run New York City.

The Real 'Immortal' Chicken Heart

Ten years later, chickens hatched when Lewis Carrel started his experiment had died of old age: those that hadn't wound up as chicken soup or obscure ingredients in canned food. Carrel's chicken heart kept beating.

Actually, it wasn't a complete chicken heart: but the bit of undying poultry was beating, just as if it was inside a bird. Lewis Carrel wasn't the chap who wrote the Alice books, by the way. That was Lewis Carroll, he was English, his name wasn't Carroll, and that's another topic. Topics.

In 1946, 34 years after it began, folks at the Rockefeller Institute threw the still-living experiment away. Excitement over the prospects of immortality, at least for chicken hearts, faded:

• "Alexis Carrel's Immortal Chick Heart Tissue Cultures (1912-1946)"
  Lijing Jiang, Arizona State University
• "Dr. Carrel's Immortal Cells"
  J. A. Witowski, Medical History, 1M91U, 24:129-142. (1980)
  (from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1082700/pdf/medhist00095-0007.pdf (August 8, 2013))

That's the official story, anyway. Now, in the spirit of 100-proof conspiracy theories, is what the Lemming thinks might have happened.

Good Enough for a Story

Lewis Carrel really is Lewis Carroll. He's a space alien secret agent currently masquerading as an "America's Next Top Model" judge. The immortal chicken heart is still alive, working as a CIA spy but really conspiring to disrupt America's economy by organizing fruit flies in California.

- Or -

The CIA/FBI/Big Oil/Big Peanut/whatever assassinated Lewis Carrel and stole the secret formula that was keeping the chicken heart alive. The Rockefeller Institute threw the immortal chicken heart away because they're part of the conspiracy.

No, the Lemming doesn't believe that. At all. Either of those whoppers might make a good story: maybe along the lines of "Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein" or "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

More of the Lemming's take on conspiracy theories and getting a grip:

• "Planet X, NASA, and the Lizard People From Outer Space"
  (January 2, 2012)
• "How to Not Sound Crazy - or - THE PARANOIDS ARE AFTER ME!!!"
  (June 12, 2011)

Return of the Immortal Chicken Heart: Sort Of

Some of their laboratory (pronounced 'lah-bore-ah-tor-ee) equipment might look like props from " 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' Meets 'Earth vs. the Flying Saucers,' " but Mark Post's hamburger special is very real.


(from www.maastrichtuniversity.nl/web/file?uuid=a5668f05-839f-4007-ae18-29f40d3608a1&owner=c485ea3c-7a41-4eed-b905-19507dc8ee84 (August 8, 2013))
"Electrical stimulation of muscle cells (left panel) matures early muscle cells (middle panel) into mature skeletal muscle which shows typical transverse striations (right panel, arrows) based on abundance of contractile protein units."

Post and two technicians used a few cells, a lot of science and about 250,000 euros - $325,000 - to grow enough "cultured beef" for a hamburger. Food critics said it was a bit lean, but otherwise quite passable.

Don't look for this at the corner grocery any time soon. The $325,000 burger was a prototype, and there's a lot of work left before cultured beef is available commercially.

When, or if, that happens, folks can buy beef that's grown on a tiny fraction of the land, and with fewer resources, than 'real' beef from something with hooves that goes "moo."

Aside from all-too-predictable fussing about technology, science, and "The Island of Lost Souls," the Lemming doesn't see a problem with cultured beef.

Allegedly-related posts:

• " 'A Boy and His Mutant Wolf' "
  A Catholic Citizen in America (August 8, 2013)
• "Killer Tomatoes and a Ranting Lemming"
  (August 6, 2013)
• "7,000,000,000 People, More or Less: Why I'm Not Alarmed"
  A Catholic Citizen in America (October 31, 2011)
• "Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide Now! Or, Not"
  (January 3, 2011)
• "Hard Science Fiction, Cultural Blinders and Laban's Sheep"
  Drifting at the Edge of Time and Space (October 29, 2009)
  Particularly
  • Artificial Life Forms - Like Macaroni Wheat

Background:

• "World's first lab-grown burger is eaten in London"
  BBC News (August 5, 2013)
• "First-ever public tasting of lab-grown Cultured Beef burger"
  Research at UM, Maastricht University (August 5, 2013)
  • "Description of 'in vitro meat' project," Project fact sheet Maastricht University
    (from www.maastrichtuniversity.nl/web/file?uuid=a5668f05-839f-4007-ae18-29f40d3608a1&owner=c485ea3c-7a41-4eed-b905-19507dc8ee84 (August 8, 2013))

Kleptomaniac Octopus: the Video

"octopus steals my video camera and swims off with it (while it's Recording)"

chimpsnatch, YouTube (April 15, 2010)
video 3:21

The Lemming has no trouble understanding why a human would chase after a kleptomaniac octopus. Humans like their tools, and that camera was a particularly valuable tool.

What an octopus would want with a camera: That is what puzzles the Lemming. It's not as if the octopus could have any use for the camera.

Unless, that is, humans aren't the only ones sharing videos on this planet.

Not-entirely-unrelated posts:

• "And Now, For Something Completely Different: Portable Buildings; and an Octopus Cartoon"
  (March 7, 2012)
• "Brainless Blobs Invade Hawaii! - Or - Attack of the Ctenophores!"
  (March 5, 2012)
• "Dumbo Octopus: Two Eyes, Eight Tentacles, and Wings"
  (February 1, 2010)
• "And Now, for Something Completely Different: Animated Octopuses - Octopods - Octopi - More Than One Animated Octopus"
  (November 13, 2009)
• "Squid Ink Still Good After 150,000,000 Years"
  (September 9, 2009)

"While Strolling Through the Park One Day - - -"

This tune skittered through the Lemming's mind while watching a video:

While strolling through the park one day
In the merry merry month of May
I was taken by surprise
By a pair of roguish eyes
In a moment my poor heart was stole away.

Here's that video:



And now, a fellow singing the tune: in four part harmony:



Related posts:

• "Spaceships, Robots, and Being Catholic"
  A Catholic Citizen in America (April 12, 2013)
• "Robot Cheetah: No Head, but Really Fast"
  (April 2, 2012)
• "Mars Rover Spirit: Not Bad for a Limited-Warranty Robot"
  (May 26, 2011)
• "Flying Mechanical Penguins"
  (February 12, 2011)
• "The Terminator, Astro Boy, Bender, Marvin, and More"
  (January 25, 2011)

Not Right for the Part

Allegedly-related posts:

• "Happy St. Patrick's Day: When Everybody's Irish"
  (March 17, 2012)
• "St. Patrick's Day, Michael Gough, and Love"
  (March 17, 2011)
• "Candy Wrappers aren't Gum Wrappers: But They're Close"
  (August 8, 2010)
• "Whacking Great Nests by Patrick Dougherty"
  (May 18, 2009)
• "Erin go brea, Erin go deo, and All That"
  (March 17, 2008)

Avast! International Talk Like a Pirate Day be Coming!

Drop whatever you're doing! International Talk Like a Pirate Day is nearly upon us! Thar be scant time t' prepare, be ye so inclined.

"Drunken Sailor: First Annual International Talk Like a Pirate Day Drunken Sailor Sing-Along a Go Go"

OfficialWench, YouTube (September 11, 2011)
video, 4:41

"From the Pirate Guys -- www.talklikeapirate.com -- More than 50 pirates and fans from all across the U.S. join in singing one of the best-known, best-loved sea songs of all time. With buccaneers from Southern Cal to...."

The next International Talk Like A Pirate Day is September 19, 2012. The folks who produced "Drunken Sailor: First Annual International Talk Like a Pirate Day Drunken Sailor Sing-Along a Go Go" promise - or threaten - to do another one this year.

The official website (www.talklikeapirate.com) features this video, and links to other debatably-tasteful content: including an English-to-Pirate translator. The Lemming enjoys this - but the Lemming also likes P. D. Q. Bach and "Weird Al" Yankovic. You have been warned.

Allegedly-related posts:

• "Arr! Tomorrow be Talk Like a Pirate Day!"
  (September 18, 2010)
• ""Gerbils of the Caribbean"?! Trailer For a Fake Movie"
  (November 24, 2009)
• "Arrr! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day"
  (September 19, 2009)
• "Arrr! It Be Talk Like a Pirate Day Tomorrow"
  (September 18, 2008)
• " 'Fifteen Men on the Dead Man's Chest:' More Than Just a Song"
  (January 21, 2008)

From the Mind of the Lemming

"Paint what you see" is one of those recurring bits of advice to budding artists. It's also pretty much what the Lemming did for today's post:



Have a good weekend: the Lemming will be back Monday.

Not-entirely-unrelated posts:

• "Lemming Tracks: Thanksgiving, Cartoons, and a Look at the Lemming"
  (November 23, 2011)
• "Five Strange Video Games"
  (September 8, 2010)
• "Valentine's Day, 2010"
  (February 14, 2010)
• "Santa's Workshop, Pip, and a Disturbing - or Disturbed - Image"
  (December 28, 2009)
• "Lemming Tracks: Autumn Holiday Graphics"
  (August 27, 2009)