"Flail the Rude Fresco?!" - It's Not the Technology

"Dilbert"
Scott Adams, Dilbert.com (February 9, 2011)



It's anyone's guess, what Dilbert's clueless manager meant by "burped the grope plow armistice" and "flail the rude fresco."

It's the Lemming's opinion that it's not the technology that's at fault here: it's the folks who use it. Or, rather, the cartoon characters. Some folks have a gift for garbling communication: and it's not always a matter of not spelling or saying words correctly. The Lemming's had supervisors who - but that's another topic.

Texting is in the news and views today, by the way. Somewhat seriously:

• "Auto-corrected text leads to killing"
  Technically Incorrect, CNET News (February 14, 2011)
• "Driving while talking on a cell phone will put points on your license"
  WIVB TV (Buffalo, New York) (February 14, 2011)

It's the Lemming's opinion that texting, like anything else that folks do, can be misused. But the problem isn't the technology: It's us. In the Lemming's opinion.

Not-entirely-unrelated posts:

• "Lemming Tracks: a Recovering English Teacher and the Dean's Spellchecker"
  (January 12, 2011)
• "FCC, the Internet, Regulations, Freedom of Speech, and a Ranting Lemming"
  (December 23, 2010)
• "'Manage - - - Like It's the 1800's!' "
  (December 5, 2010)

The Lemming modified the 'embed' code for today's strip. You're looking at a reduced-size copy of the original Dilbert strip, made to fit into this blog's format. The rest of the embed code is as-provided at Dilbert.com. Follow the link and you should see the original 640-pixel-wide graphic.

Lemming Tracks: a Recovering English Teacher and the Dean's Spellchecker

English probably isn't at the top of the list of favorite classes for most high school students. Particularly sections on grammar.

Dissecting sentences and laying out the severed nouns, verbs, prepositions, and other parts of speech wasn't something the Lemming particularly enjoyed, either. And yet, the Lemming was for a time an English teacher.

The Lemming didn't expect the teens in his classroom to get excited about grammar. It's about as dry a subject as grammar. Or, perhaps more precisely, syntax.

"Syntax?" That's:

• The grammatical arrangement of words in sentences
• A systematic orderly arrangement
• Studies of the rules for forming admissible sentences
  (Princeton's WordNet)

While the Lemming's at it, here's the definition of grammar:

• The branch of linguistics that deals with syntax and morphology
  • And sometimes also deals with semantics
  (Princeton's WordNet again)

Grammar and All That: Does It Matter?

Most folks, when they see a sign that reads, "employee's only," realize that it doesn't mean that the door belongs exclusively to some employee. Sane goes far spilling. Ewe dent half two spiel wards conventionality too meek scents.

You may have had to slow down - just a little - to sort out those last two sentences.

One thing a writer who's trying to communicate with someone else doesn't, generally, want to do is put speed bumps in what's being read.

Unless the writer is making a point. As Northern Illinois University's Dean Jerrold Zar was, when he composed that famous poem.

The Dean's Spellchecker: The Genuine Original

With a grateful tip of the hat, the Lemming now presents, in its original and correct form, "The Dean's Spellchecker." Which isn't the poem's title:

---

"Candidate for a Pullet Surprise"
Jerrold H. Zar

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker's
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault's with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word's fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.

Copyright © 2000 by The Journal of Irreproducible Results, used by permission.
This is the original and accurate version of the poem, as published in
The Journal of Irreproducible Results,
January/February 1994, page 13.

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Related posts:

• "Accuracy Matters for Bloggers"
  (October 30, 2008)
• "The Apostrophe: It's 'EMPLOYEES ONLY' - Not 'EMPLOYEE'S ONLY' "
  (July 12, 2008)
• "Further, Farther, Lay, Lie: Correct English in a Changing World"
  (July 22, 2008)
• "Triumph of the Typos: One Sign, Many Errors"
  (May 24, 2008)

Also by the Lemming:

• "Soh Whut ef i cant spel?"
  (Only a Looser Chicks Four Spilling Mystics)
  Brian H. Gill (2004)

Arsenic and Old Science: NASA and Extraterrestrial Life

The Lemming doesn't know what it is about the science folks at FOXNews and Saturn - but today's article has a name in the byline: also an update on NASA, extraterrestrial life, and looking for a quarter in the yard.

No, really: that last phrase makes sense, in context.

"Are Aliens Among Us? Sort of, NASA Says"
John Brandon, Science, FOXNews, (December 2, 2010)

"Alien life has been among us all along, according to new biological findings announced by NASA Thursday.

"Research conducted by biochemist Dr. Felisa Wolfe-Simon from the U.S. Geological Survey has turned the quest for alien life on its ear, suggesting that phosphorous[!], carbon, and the other fundamental elements found in every living thing on Earth aren't the only signs of life. Wolfe-Simon will explain the findings at a hotly anticipated NASA press conference today at 2 p.m.

"After a two-year study at California's Mono Lake, near Yosemite National Park, Wolfe-Simon found that a bug will grow in the presence of the toxic chemical arsenic when only slight traces of phosphorous are present. It's a radical finding, says molecular biologist Steven Benner, who is part of NASA's 'Team Titan' and an expert on astrobiology -- forcing the space agency to redefine the quest for other life in the universe.

" 'When we're searching for alien life, if it's not a Ferengi from Star Trek, what would it be?' Benner asked FoxNews.com. In his estimation, we've always defined life as something that has the exact same chemistry as a life-form on Earth. The new discovery will likely change that equation, because it means the basic building blocks of DNA are not quite what we thought...."

So far, so good. Biologists are learning quite a bit from studying extremophile - critters that live in places that most other plants, animals, bacteria, fungi - and so on - can't survive in.

There's more to the article, including these quotes:

"...'It's a paradigm shift,' says Dimitar Sasselov, an astrobiologist who leads the Origins of Life Initiative at Harvard University. 'The possibility that Earth-life biochemistry is not universal is a transformational concept. It fills the search [for alien life] with optimism. NASA is moving in a good overall direction. What is needed is to take alternatives for life's chemistry to heart and fund research work better.'

"Arsenic is poisonous to nearly all forms of life on earth. Even small amounts of the poison become embedded in living tissue, causing liver failure and ultimately death -- in nearly everything BUT these bacteria...."

Nit-Picking by the Lemming

Good grief. This article was presumably done by a 'science' reporter. Well, he was probably educated in America.

It's Phosphorus, not "Phosphorous"

"Phosphorous," that multivalent nonmetallic element of the nitrogen family, spelled "phosphorus"

Arsenic, Phosphorus, Livers, and Life

Arsenic is bad for us because we've got livers - and arsenic is not good for the liver. Or the rest of us. It's chemically similar to phosphorus - and I'll get back to that. Plants don't have livers - and arsenic isn't particularly good for them, either. Again, it's a chemical thing. (National Institutes of Health)

Like just about everything else (November 22, 2010), there's a little bit of arsenic in all of us - it doesn't start being a problem until there's too much. One of the reasons arsenic in plants is studied is because the stuff was used to kill boll weevils. (Dartmouth Toxic Metals Research Program) And the Lemming is getting off-topic.

Looking for a Quarter in the Yard

The Lemming said that looking for a quarter made sense, in context. Here's the context:

"...science fiction author Robert Sawyer told FoxNews.com, there could be even more profound implications. We have always looked for alien life that matches our biology, but now we have found a different life-form that uses arsenic in its basic DNA structure, he said.

"Sawyer explained that NASA science probes have always looked in the most likely places we thought life could exist -- on Mars or Europa, a moon of Jupiter. There is an old joke, he says, about how someone lost a quarter in their garage, then looks out in the yard for it. A neighbor asks why they are looking there instead of in the garage; the light is better, he answers.

" 'We tend to use the tools we know and the places we know to look for alien life,' Sawyer said, explaining that humans want to find a walking, crawling alien and not one that just has different DNA...."
(FOXNews, emphasis mine)

What is it about Saturn?

The Lemming doesn't know what it is about the folks doing science news at FOXNews and Saturn.

Here's a somewhat non sequitur reference to Saturn:

"...Benner, said the arsenic-loving organism at Mono Lake grew without high levels of the nutrient phosphate (although some phosphates were still present). Just as important, it could change how we look for alien life on other planets, especially on Saturn and the moons of Jupiter...."

NASA's feature - I'll get to that in just a bit - doesn't mention Saturn. The gas giant isn't - outside of some fairly imaginative science fiction - near the top of the list for places we're looking for life.

Titan orbits Saturn - and that's another topic. (December 1, 2010)

NASA, Arsenic, and the Search for Life

"NASA-Funded Research Discovers Life Built With Toxic Chemical"
NASA (December 2, 2010)

"NASA-funded astrobiology research has changed the fundamental knowledge about what comprises all known life on Earth.

"Researchers conducting tests in the harsh environment of Mono Lake in California have discovered the first known microorganism on Earth able to thrive and reproduce using the toxic chemical arsenic. The microorganism substitutes arsenic for phosphorus in its cell components.

" 'The definition of life has just expanded,' said Ed Weiler, NASA's associate administrator for the Science Mission Directorate at the agency's Headquarters in Washington. 'As we pursue our efforts to seek signs of life in the solar system, we have to think more broadly, more diversely and consider life as we do not know it.'

"This finding of an alternative biochemistry makeup will alter biology textbooks and expand the scope of the search for life beyond Earth. The research is published in this week's edition of Science Express.

"Carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus and sulfur are the six basic building blocks of all known forms of life on Earth. Phosphorus is part of the chemical backbone of DNA and RNA, the structures that carry genetic instructions for life, and is considered an essential element for all living cells.

"Phosphorus is a central component of the energy-carrying molecule in all cells (adenosine triphosphate) and also the phospholipids that form all cell membranes. Arsenic, which is chemically similar to phosphorus, is poisonous for most life on Earth. Arsenic disrupts metabolic pathways because chemically it behaves similarly to phosphate.

" 'We know that some microbes can breathe arsenic, but what we've found is a microbe doing something new -- building parts of itself out of arsenic,' said Felisa Wolfe-Simon, a NASA Astrobiology Research Fellow in residence at the U.S. Geological Survey in Menlo Park, Calif., and the research team's lead scientist. 'If something here on Earth can do something so unexpected, what else can life do that we haven't seen yet?'

"The newly discovered microbe, strain GFAJ-1, is a member of a common group of bacteria, the Gammaproteobacteria. In the laboratory, the researchers successfully grew microbes from the lake on a diet that was very lean on phosphorus, but included generous helpings of arsenic. When researchers removed the phosphorus and replaced it with arsenic the microbes continued to grow. Subsequent analyses indicated that the arsenic was being used to produce the building blocks of new GFAJ-1 cells.

"The key issue the researchers investigated was when the microbe was grown on arsenic did the arsenic actually became incorporated into the organisms' vital biochemical machinery, such as DNA, proteins and the cell membranes. A variety of sophisticated laboratory techniques was used to determine where the arsenic was incorporated...."

Now that's interesting. Also spelled correctly, and without any irrelevant mentions of Saturn. Or Ypsilanti.

Related posts:

• "NASA, Extraterrestrial Life: and Titan is a Moon of Saturn, not Mars"
  (December 1, 2010)
• "Viking Life Experiments, Revisited"
  (September 14, 2010)
• "Organic Compounds in Murchison Meteor: Lots of Them"
  (February 16, 2010)
• "DNA - A Universal Pattern? Could Be"
  (April 8, 2009)
• "Life on Ceres? Could Be"
  (March 5, 2009)
  Particularly
  • Exploding Martians and the Viking Life Experiment

More related posts, at

• "A Serious Search for Other Worlds, Life, and - Maybe - Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence"

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The title of this post? "Arsenic and Old Science..."? Arsenic and Old Lace is a 1944 Cary Grant comedy. That has nothing to do with extraterrestrial life. Or Saturn.

Accuracy Matters for Bloggers

"Errors By Bloggers Kill Credibility & Traffic, Study Finds"
ReadWriteWeb (October 30, 2008)

If you're still reading, I'm probably preaching to the choir.

Here's the first paragraph:

"Blogging is fast, informal and easy to do. Spelling, grammar and factual errors happen - but do they make a material impact on the success of a blogger? A small but interesting survey run by crowdsourced copy editing service GooseGrade concludes that they do...."

The article isn't long, but it's got a fair amount of information.

Recommended for anyone who takes blogging seriously - and who wants to be taken seriously.

Is "Under Weigh" Correct? Or is "Under Way" the Right Weigh?

Yes. Spelling matters. (More about that at "Soh Whut ef i cant spel?"
(Only a Looser Chicks Four Spilling Mystics).)

Is it "under weigh," or "under way?"

• British English:
  "UNDER WEIGH"
  World Wide Words
  • "Under way" is now standard usage
  • There's more about weigh and way, starting with Dutch in the eighteenth century
• American English: "under way, underway, under weigh"
  The Columbia Guide to Standard American English, 1993
  • "...Under way and underway are both now Standard spellings of both adverbial and adjectival uses."
  • There's more about the phrase, of course

So: on both sides of the Atlantic, it's "under way."

Why bother with a post about this? I looked up current standard usage for another blog, and decided that I'd share what I found.

Ohio High School Students get "Educaiton" Diploma

How to put your town's high school on the news (and wish you hadn't):

" Typo on diplomas embarrasses Ohio principal"
Times Union (New York State) (June 6, 2008)

"WESTLAKE, Ohio -- A Cleveland-area principal says he's embarrassed his students got proof of their "educaiton" on their high school diplomas.

" Westlake High School officials misspelled "education" on the diplomas distributed last weekend. It's been the subject of mockery on local radio.

"Principal Timothy Freeman says he sent back the diplomas once to correct another error. When the diplomas came back, no one bothered to check things they thought were right the first time...."

'Third time's the charm,' I suppose. I'm glad I'm not the owner of that print shop. In fairness, mistakes happen: I've worked with the same print shop for well over a decade, getting an 11-months-a-year bulletin printed, with only one foul-up. Oddly, that time they got the job done right the third time, too.

A Funny Graphic

Stressed-is-Desserts-Magnet-C11750035.jpeg
artfiles.art.com (undated)

"Stressed" is "Deserts" spelled backwards.

It's funnier if you see the picture.

Noo Ideea: Mispeling For Sukses

"Do you optimize for misspellings?" has a startling recommendation: misspelling as an SEO technique.

I've got an opinion about this, briefly discussed at "Misspelling for Success?."

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