Friday, December 12, 2014

Flashback: Baking-Foil Fashion and Taco Couture

The Lemming has been trying to forget what a fashion designer did to Hulga Fekrat for four years. But, somewhat in the manner of something that drowned in a swamp: Mr. Basler's worst fashions of the year, women's division, resurfaced.

"Yeah, it makes your butt look big; worst women's fashions of the year…"
Robert Basler, Oddly Enough blog, Reuters (December 9, 2010)

"It was a year when models hit the international fashion runways looking like kitchen utensils, nutcrackers, forest creatures and, well, the recently deceased.

"You know it was a bad year in fashion when my blog item that was headlined 'The worst dress in the history of Earth?' barely makes it onto my Top 10 Worst Fashions list.

"And yes, you know it was a very, very bad year in women's fashion when the hottest new model featured in this blog was Hulga Fekrat...."

That's Hugla, next to the headline, presumably The photo's file name is "worst-womens-hulga-200.jpg," and the one next to this paragraph is "fekrat-240-vertical1.jpg."

The hour is late, and the Lemming is reminded of Spike Jone's rendition of "Laura." Ah, memories.

Why, by all that is sane, would someone a model look like an extra in Star War's Mos Eisley Cantina - and let the result be photographed. Perhaps the answer is connected to another perplexing question: Why do fashion shows exist?

Mr. Basler's 2010 Oddly Enough post employs the familiar 'countdown' format for its list of "10 worst fashion creations" list: from "The worst dress in the history of Earth?" in tenth place, to number one: "All of you girls are named Bambi?"

The Lemming micro-reviewed the tenth-place post, movable wings and all: "Flying Cucumber? Psychedelic Skyrocket? Dress?!" (July 26, 2010)

left, a creation by designer Dimitris Dassios during fashion week in Athens March 27, 2010-REUTERS/Yiorgos Karahalis; right, a creation by Spanish designer Agatha Ruiz De La Prada during Georgian Fashion Week in Tbilisi March 28, 2010-REUTERS/David MdzinarishviliThe third-from-the-bottom entry in Mr. Basler's list — perhaps its designer suffered a traumatic childhood experience involving an umbrella and a taco.

Which reminds the Lemming of this excerpt from David S. Zondy's Tales of Future Past website:

"When evolution went 'huh?' I have no idea what is going on here. Our heroes seem to be confronted with a pair of men from a planet where calamari and pancakes developed intelligence and then committed crimes against nature...."
("Tales of the Stars," Tales of Future Past)

The Lemming's bridge from baking-foil fashion and taco couture is probably the food angle. Being ADD-inattentive helps. ("Brilliant, Talented, and On Medication," A Catholic Citizen in America (November 30, 2010))

Back, aesthetic sense anesthetized, to the depths of high fashion. Maybe that pink-and-purple-and-blue-and-white-and-black — thing — is foil gift wrap, not colored baking foil.

Anyway, here's number one on Mr. Basler's list. Among the fashions of 2010, this may indeed be the bottom of the heap:

Unique 2010 Autumn/Winter collection during London Fashion Week, February 20, 2010. REUTERS/Suzanne Plunkett
(from Oddly Enough, Reuters, used w/o permission)

To their credit, fashion designers create separate but equally grotesque wardrobes for men, as Mr. Basler demonstrated in another 2010 'worst' list.

creations by fashion designer Shunnoz-Tekasala, in his men's Autumn/Winter 2010/11 fashion collection during Lisbon Fashion Week March 14, 2010 - REUTERS/Jose Manuel Ribeiro

"My name is Cecil, I play the ukulele…"
Oddly Enough, Reuters blog (April 5, 2010)

"Hey there, Gorgeous! You come to this bar often?

"I myself make this scene a couple times a week. Gotta spread myself around where the hot chicks are, am I right?

"Yo Joey! My usual! Double Crème de Menthe on the rocks!

"Anyhoo, my name's Cecil. I'm a Leo, I play the ukulele, and I've been to ALL five of the Great Lakes.

"I sell homemade lunch meat door-to-door. It's a good living, Cutie-Pie.

"Oh, this outfit? It's IMPORTED. From China...."

The Lemming doesn't know who dreamed that up. Or why. Perhaps the designer had been forced to make one too many accordion pleat skirts.

Mr. Basler dubbed that orange thing a "rube tube:" speculating that the orange see-through cummerbund is intended for overweight middle aged guys — who want something to hold in their bellies on the beach.

And, of course, are color blind and devoid of aesthetic judgment.

British Colony’s 2010/2011 summer collection, Fashion Rio Show, Rio de Janeiro, May 31, 2010 - REUTERS/Bruno DomingosSorry, the Lemming can't take much more of this: but feels compelled to share one last designer — thing.

"Once upon a time, in a blog like this…"
Oddly Enough, Reuters blog (January 28, 2010)

"Blog Guy, it's me. Goldilocks. All grown up. Out here on the slag pile where fairytale characters go when they've outlived their usefulness. Wrung out, discarded like old porridge…

"Yeah, I get it. What are you doing in this sleazy dive? What happened to the three bears?

"You can't tell? They're still with me. They'll never leave. Baby Bear is now a grown-up chain-smoker with a gambling problem. All of us, wrung out, discarded, like…

"Right. Like old porridge. Take a load off and look at some fashion designs for you and your three friends...."

Looking at that first photo, the Lemming's immediate thought was that this could be a case of gene therapy gone horribly wrong.


Then, the Lemming took a look at the model's face.

One can't tell for sure, since photography hadn't been invented at the time, but the Lemming suspects it's the sort of look long-suffering ladies of Europe's colorful past may have had, before they stuck something long and sharp into an offensive person.

Manuel Bolano, creator of that — thing — she's wearing should be glad he's living in the 21st century, where skewering people for personal reasons is often frowned upon.

Barely-related posts:

Friday, December 5, 2014

Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme



'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shop
Nothing was stirring, you could hear a pin drop.
The sleigh was not ready, the toys were not packed,
Santa was fuming and quite lacking in tact.

"Pip!" he called out to the foreman on duty,
Where is your crew? And don't act so snooty!
Pip's feelings were hurt, but he wondered the same
Were they lost? Had they left? Were they playing a game?

"Never mind!" thundered Santa, while grabbing his sack,
"We'll do it ourselves: There are toys in the back."
So into the warehouse like madmen they flew.
Santa and Pip had much packing to do.

And then, down a corridor seldom in use,
They heard something like an hysterical goose.
But no, there were words in that hideous shriek,
It was music: now Santa was prone to critique.

Santa strode to the source of that hideous din,
Closely followed by Pip, who beheld with chagrin:
Three elves and four bottles and, there on a chair,
A boom box whose music was filling the air.

Santa stood for a moment, transfixed by the sight
Then he bellowed so loudly that Pip shook with fright.
"You! Chuckles! And Bubbles! And you, mister Suds!"
Why are you carousing while in your work duds?"

The fate of that threesome Pip would not relate,
Except to recall that the hour was late:
And Santa was anxious to fly in his sleigh,
And dealt with loose ends on the following day.

(This poem appeared originally in the Loonfoot Falls Chronicle-Gazette: December 25, 2009.)

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Friday, November 28, 2014

Double Planets Possible



Earlier this month, some humans announced that they'd done the math: and collisions like the one involving Earth a few billion years back can end with two Earth-size planets, orbiting each other.

The Lemming found a pretty good writeup about their research, complete with an "artist's concept" that probably isn't all that inaccurate. It's certainly a cool picture:
Not just any old collision will do: but they got double planets in a third of their simulations.

How many double planets there are, what fraction are roughly Earth-size, and how many of those have the qualities that makes Earth comfortable for humans — that's something that the Lemming is confident humans will figure out. Given time.

About this post's picture? It's strictly fictional. Not a photo. Definitely not: and the Lemming's sticking with that story.

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