Easter Egg

Happy Easter, a few days early. That's all the Lemming had to say.

Posts, related and otherwise:

• "An Island: Somewhere"
  (January 29, 2016)
• "Meet Norbert Nerdly"
  (December 18, 2015)
• "Holiday Viewing Marathon"
  (December 11, 2015)
• "Easter Egg Delivery Run"
  (April 5, 2015)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Just Outside Hobbiton (maybe)"
  (April 18, 2014)

Valentine's Day

"Forgetting Valentine's Day, is he?"

More, or less:

• "The Touch of a Vanished Hand"
  (October 30, 2015)
• "Narcissus-X Proffers Plenteous Provisos"
  (August 14, 2015)
• "Another Holiday for the Lemming"
  (August 7, 2015)
• "Gone for the Weekend"
  (July 4, 2014)
• "Of Ravens and Rhymes: But Not Writing-Desks"
  (February 14, 2014)

Happy New Year, 2016!

The Lemming is pleased to announce that Earth has gone around Sol again. Happy New Year, 2016!

More posts, related and otherwise:

• "Island Flight"
  (September 11, 2015)
• "Meet Norbert Nerdly"
  (December 18, 2015)
• "Escape From Klagfinster Poster"
  (September 25, 2015)
• "This Year We Gotta Get Organized"
  (January 2, 2015)
• "Happy New Year, 2014"
  (December 31, 2013)

Christmas at the Lemming's

The Lemming is back, just in time to enjoy a quiet Christmas with a few friends: watching holiday classics like "Wayne and Wanda's Eggnog Nightmare."

Vaguely-related posts:

• "Meet Norbert Nerdly"
  (December 18, 2015)
• "Holiday Viewing Marathon"
  (December 11, 2015)
• "Waiting for Christmas"
  (December 4, 2015)
• "The Uncle Crunchy Ploy"
  (November 26, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)

Meet Norbert Nerdly

It's been one of those weeks. With nothing but a message reading "taking a vacation, told Norbert to get something ready," the Lemming disappeared. Norbert Nerdly, the inside — person — at A Small World of Websites, dutifully produced content for today's post. But he's no Lemming.

Thank you, Norbert. We all appreciate the effort, and hope the Lemming will at least send a postcard before next Friday.

More of life with the Lemming:

• "Another Holiday for the Lemming"
  (August 7, 2015)
• "With the Lemming at Aunt Ida's"
  (January 23, 2015)
• "Chicken Soup and the Lemming"
  (January 16, 2015)
• "This Year We Gotta Get Organized"
  (January 2, 2015)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Holiday Travel Plans"
  (December 19, 2014)

Holiday Viewing Marathon

The Lemming has no idea what's going on here; or why "Chumley, the Elf Who Slept Through Christmas," "Twinkles and Popbubble: Secret Elves," "Desperately Seeking Dunder and Blixem," "Star Boars Holiday Special: The Pigs Who Saved Christmas," "Flurry the Snowman," "Seymour Osborn's Christmas in Altoona," were in the viewing queue.

Almost-related posts:

• "Waiting for Christmas"
  (December 4, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)
• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)

Waiting for Christmas

Some day we will look back on this and smile.
(Virgil)

It is easy finding reasons why other folks should be patient.
(George Eliot)

The reward of patience is patience.
(Augustine of Hippo, or somebody else)

Just 20 more days.
(the Lemming)

More Thanksgiving-Christmas posts:

• "The Uncle Crunchy Ploy"
  (November 26, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Holiday Travel Plans"
  (December 19, 2014)
• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "Two Turkeys: the Gift Store Gambit"
  (November 27, 2014)

The Uncle Crunchy Ploy

"Over the River and Through the Wood" recalls pleasant memories of Thanksgiving, snow, pumpkin pie, and pudding. Maybe it's Jowler the dog that bothers the other turkey.

The feathered duo is apparently promoting "Uncle Crunchy's Thanksgiving Treat: Tofu Turkey!" again. They tried that back in 2011.

The Lemming may or may not be back tomorrow morning, with a "Friday morning" post. That depends in part on how heartily the Lemming indulges in holiday festivities, the nature of reality, and the Lemming's notoriously scatty imagination.

Remembrance of Thanksgivings past:

• "Two Turkeys: the Gift Store Gambit"
  (November 27, 2014)
• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving 2013: No Hiding Place?"
  (November 28, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving Day, 2012: Desperate Times..."
  (November 22, 2012)
• "Lemming Tracks: Thanksgiving, Cartoons, and a Look at the Lemming"
  (November 23, 2011)

The Touch of a Vanished Hand

"...And the stately ships go on
To their haven under the hill;
But O for the touch of a vanished hand,
And the sound of a voice that is still!..."
(From "Break, Break, Break," Alfred, Lord Tennyson)

Similarly-cheerful posts:

• "New Owners, Old Tenant"
  (October 23, 2015)
• "Insomnia at the Wizard's Tower"
  (August 21, 2015)
• "Remember the Paths"
  (July 24, 2015)
• "Smile, Wave, and Hope They Understand"
  (July 10, 2015)
• " 'We Saved You a Piece' "
  (January 30, 2015)

New Owners, Old Tenant

"It's not a closet, it's my office. That's what I should have said."

Not-entirely-different posts:

• "Insomnia at the Wizard's Tower"
  (August 21, 2015)
• " 'We Saved You a Piece' "
  (January 30, 2015)
• "Remember the Paths"
  (July 24, 2015)
• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)
• " 'Anchovies and Peanut Butter?!' "
  (October 30, 2013)

Ashikaga Yoshiakira's Birthday, Independence Day, and All That

Turns out that 1005 Boxelder Drive is a pretty good place to set up chairs and watch a public fireworks display. As long as there's enough wind to discourage mosquitoes, of course.

The Lemming notes that today is American Independence Day, the anniversary of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland's publication and Pactum Sicardi, Trois-Rivières founding day, and Ashikaga Yoshiakira's birthday.

A whole bunch of other stuff happened, too, but the Lemming figured that was enough history for one post.

Speaking of rabbits, the Lemming strongly advises against using furry animals as launch supports for bottle rockets. The animals don't like it, singed fur smells bad, and they're nowhere near as steady as a bottle. Un-furry animals aren't much better, really, now that the Lemming considers the matter.

Oddly enough, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission does not warn against lighting firecrackers in one's nose, or eating lit sparklers.

They do, however, seem to think that bottle rockets shouldn't be associated with bottles ("...never carry fireworks in a pocket or shoot them off in metal or glass containers) — which inspired the Lemming's effort to prevent a serious human-rabbit misunderstanding.

A bit more seriously, here's what the USCPSC says about not visiting the emergency room for the holiday:

"Fireworks are synonymous with our celebration of Independence Day. Yet, the thrill of fireworks can also bring pain. 230 people on average go the emergency room every day with fireworks-related injuries in the month around the July 4th holiday."

"Remember, fireworks can be dangerous, causing serious burn and eye injuries. You can help us prevent fireworks-related injuries and deaths. How? By working with a national, state or local organization where you live to promote fireworks safety in your community."

"Follow these safety tips when using fireworks:

• "Never allow young children to play with or ignite fireworks.
• "Avoid buying fireworks that are packaged in brown paper because this is often a sign that the fireworks were made for professional displays and that they could pose a danger to consumers.
• "Always have an adult supervise fireworks activities. Parents don't realize that young children suffer injuries from sparklers. Sparklers burn at temperatures of about 2,000 degrees - hot enough to melt some metals.
• "Never place any part of your body directly over a fireworks device when lighting the fuse. Back up to a safe distance immediately after lighting fireworks.
• "Never try to re-light or pick up fireworks that have not ignited fully.
• "Never point or throw fireworks at another person.
• "Keep a bucket of water or a garden hose handy in case of fire or other mishap.
• "Light fireworks one at a time, then move back quickly.
• "Never carry fireworks in a pocket or shoot them off in metal or glass containers.
• "After fireworks complete their burning, douse the spent device with plenty of water from a bucket or hose before discarding it to prevent a trash fire.
• "Make sure fireworks are legal in your area before buying or using them."

(Fireworks Information Center, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission)

That's remarkably sensible advice, actually.

The Lemming is forgetting something important. Let's see — the stove isn't running but the refrigerator is, a stitch in time still saves nine, AHA! July fourth is Rube Goldberg's birthday!

More July-Fourth-or-thereabouts posts:

• "Independence Day, 2012"
  (July 4, 2012)
• "Independence Day, 2011: 235 and Counting"
  (July 4, 2011)
• "Fireworks, Common Sense, and the Incredible Exploding House"
  (July 2, 2011)
• "Lemming Tracks: Fourth of July Weekend, 2011"
  (July 1, 2011)
• "New Citizens at an American Spaceport"
  (July 4, 2010)

Easter Egg Delivery Run

What, you were expecting a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer?

Vaguely-related posts:

• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Just Outside Hobbiton (maybe)"
  (April 18, 2014)
• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "Two Turkeys: the Gift Store Gambit"
  (November 27, 2014)
• "Happy Easter"
  (March 29, 2013)
• "A Rabbit's Perspective on Chocolate Rabbits"
  (April 1, 2010)

St. Patrick's Day: May the Road Rise to Meet You

Posts the Lemming thinks are related:

• "St. Patrick's Day, 2014: Where's the Lemming?"
  (March 17, 2014)
• "Not Right for the Part"
  (March 17, 2013)
• "Happy St. Patrick's Day: When Everybody's Irish"
  (March 17, 2012)
• "Candy Wrappers aren't Gum Wrappers: But They're Close"
  (August 8, 2010)
• "Erin go brea, Erin go deo, and All That"
  (March 17, 2008)

Valentine's Day, Remembered

"I have the most ill-regulated memory. It does those things which it ought not to do and leaves undone the things it ought to have done."
(Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night, 1936)

Posts that aren't entirely unrelated:

• "A Tale of Two Birds"
  (January 9, 2015)
• "Gone for the Weekend"
  (July 4, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Just Outside Hobbiton (maybe)"
  (April 18, 2014)
• "Of Ravens and Rhymes: But Not Writing-Desks"
  (February 14, 2014)
• "Valentine's Day, 2010"
  (February 14, 2010)

Happy New Year 2015!

Most of the time, the Lemming is chatty, verbose, loquacious — talkative, in a word.

But not tonight. Happy new year, and good night.

Vaguely-related posts:

• "Christmas with the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Holiday Travel Plans"
  (December 19, 2014)
• "New Year's Eve Celebration, and How to Survive It"
  (December 30, 2011)
• "Lemming Tracks: Happy New Year, 2011!"
  (January 1, 2011)
• "The New Year's Eve Bullet, and Some Reminiscing"
  (August 26,

Christmas with the Lemming

Perry Como did a Christmas album, Dean Martin did his "Christmas at Sea World," and everybody's done their version of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol."

Then there's what the Lemming's been doing this year.

Allegedly-related posts:

• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "Two Turkeys: the Gift Store Gambit"
  (November 27, 2014)
• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2"
  (December 23, 2011)
• "Lemming Tracks: Christmas Cookies, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #1"
  (December 24, 2010)

From the Mind of the Lemming: Holiday Travel Plans

The Lemming's got his old — walking stick — out, and seems to be making holiday travel plans.

Related posts, in the Lemming's opinion:

• "Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme"
  (December 5, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Xanadu Springs"
  (June 20, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: The Lemming's Walking Stick"
  (May 23, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: A Far Horizon"
  (May 16, 2014)
• "From the Mind of the Lemming: Another Postcard"
  (May 2, 2014)

Pip: Not Your Usual Fluffy Christmas Rhyme

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shop
Nothing was stirring, you could hear a pin drop.
The sleigh was not ready, the toys were not packed,
Santa was fuming and quite lacking in tact.

"Pip!" he called out to the foreman on duty,
Where is your crew? And don't act so snooty!
Pip's feelings were hurt, but he wondered the same
Were they lost? Had they left? Were they playing a game?

"Never mind!" thundered Santa, while grabbing his sack,
"We'll do it ourselves: There are toys in the back."
So into the warehouse like madmen they flew.
Santa and Pip had much packing to do.

And then, down a corridor seldom in use,
They heard something like an hysterical goose.
But no, there were words in that hideous shriek,
It was music: now Santa was prone to critique.

Santa strode to the source of that hideous din,
Closely followed by Pip, who beheld with chagrin:
Three elves and four bottles and, there on a chair,
A boom box whose music was filling the air.

Santa stood for a moment, transfixed by the sight
Then he bellowed so loudly that Pip shook with fright.
"You! Chuckles! And Bubbles! And you, mister Suds!"
Why are you carousing while in your work duds?"

The fate of that threesome Pip would not relate,
Except to recall that the hour was late:
And Santa was anxious to fly in his sleigh,
And dealt with loose ends on the following day.

(This poem appeared originally in the Loonfoot Falls Chronicle-Gazette: December 25, 2009.)

Welcome to the Lemming's world:

• "Holiday for the Lemming; or Time, Tide, and a Tired Lemming; or the Lemming Takes a Break"
  (June 6, 2014)
• "Happy New Year, 2014"
  (December 31, 2013)
• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "Gingerbread, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #2"
  (December 23, 2011)
• "Lemming Tracks: Christmas Cookies, Fruitcake, and Eggnog Nightmare #1"
  (December 24, 2010)

Two Turkeys: the Gift Store Gambit

(Desperation in a gift shop.)

Have these turkeys tasted freedom at last, or is their goose cooked?

Is the gift store gambit a recipe for disaster, or will it pan out?

Will the shopkeeper make mincemeat of their plans and squash their hopes?

And will the Lemming ever tire of holiday puns?

Tracking two turkeys:

• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "Revenge of the Turkey"
  (November 29, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving 2013: No Hiding Place?"
  (November 28, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving Day, 2012: Desperate Times..."
  (November 22, 2012)
• "Lemming Tracks: Thanksgiving, Cartoons, and a Look at the Lemming"
  (November 23, 2011)

Gone for the Weekend

It was a near-perfect morning when the Lemming arrived at 1005 Boxelder Drive. Photo ops were limited, however, as everyone except the cat was gone for the weekend.

Related posts:

• "Channel Surfing With the Lemming"
  (December 24, 2013)
• "Thanksgiving 2013: No Hiding Place?"
  (November 28, 2013)
• " 'Anchovies and Peanut Butter?!' "
  (October 30, 2013)
• "Independence Day, 2012"
  (July 4, 2012)
• "Signing of the Declaration of Independence, Sculpted in Wisconsin Cheddar"
  (July 3, 2008)