"Yeah, it makes your butt look big; worst women's fashions of the year…"
Robert Basler, Oddly Enough blog, Reuters (December 9, 2010)
"It was a year when models hit the international fashion runways looking like kitchen utensils, nutcrackers, forest creatures and, well, the recently deceased.
"You know it was a bad year in fashion when my blog item that was headlined 'The worst dress in the history of Earth?' barely makes it onto my Top 10 Worst Fashions list.
"And yes, you know it was a very, very bad year in women's fashion when the hottest new model featured in this blog was Hulga Fekrat...."
That's Hugla, next to the headline, presumably The photo's file name is "worst-womens-hulga-200.jpg," and the one next to this paragraph is "fekrat-240-vertical1.jpg."
The hour is late, and the Lemming is reminded of Spike Jone's rendition of "Laura." Ah, memories.
Why, by all that is sane, would someone a model look like an extra in Star War's Mos Eisley Cantina - and let the result be photographed. Perhaps the answer is connected to another perplexing question: Why do fashion shows exist?
Mr. Basler's 2010 Oddly Enough post employs the familiar 'countdown' format for its list of "10 worst fashion creations" list: from "The worst dress in the history of Earth?" in tenth place, to number one: "All of you girls are named Bambi?"
The Lemming micro-reviewed the tenth-place post, movable wings and all: "Flying Cucumber? Psychedelic Skyrocket? Dress?!" (July 26, 2010)
The third-from-the-bottom entry in Mr. Basler's list — perhaps its designer suffered a traumatic childhood experience involving an umbrella and a taco.
Which reminds the Lemming of this excerpt from David S. Zondy's Tales of Future Past website:
"When evolution went 'huh?' I have no idea what is going on here. Our heroes seem to be confronted with a pair of men from a planet where calamari and pancakes developed intelligence and then committed crimes against nature...."
("Tales of the Stars," Tales of Future Past)
The Lemming's bridge from baking-foil fashion and taco couture is probably the food angle. Being ADD-inattentive helps. ("Brilliant, Talented, and On Medication," A Catholic Citizen in America (November 30, 2010))
Back, aesthetic sense anesthetized, to the depths of high fashion. Maybe that pink-and-purple-and-blue-and-white-and-black — thing — is foil gift wrap, not colored baking foil.
Anyway, here's number one on Mr. Basler's list. Among the fashions of 2010, this may indeed be the bottom of the heap:
(from Oddly Enough, Reuters, used w/o permission)
To their credit, fashion designers create separate but equally grotesque wardrobes for men, as Mr. Basler demonstrated in another 2010 'worst' list.
"My name is Cecil, I play the ukulele…"
Oddly Enough, Reuters blog (April 5, 2010)
"Hey there, Gorgeous! You come to this bar often?
"I myself make this scene a couple times a week. Gotta spread myself around where the hot chicks are, am I right?
"Yo Joey! My usual! Double Crème de Menthe on the rocks!
"Anyhoo, my name's Cecil. I'm a Leo, I play the ukulele, and I've been to ALL five of the Great Lakes.
"I sell homemade lunch meat door-to-door. It's a good living, Cutie-Pie.
"Oh, this outfit? It's IMPORTED. From China...."
The Lemming doesn't know who dreamed that up. Or why. Perhaps the designer had been forced to make one too many accordion pleat skirts.
Mr. Basler dubbed that orange thing a "rube tube:" speculating that the orange see-through cummerbund is intended for overweight middle aged guys — who want something to hold in their bellies on the beach.
And, of course, are color blind and devoid of aesthetic judgment.
Sorry, the Lemming can't take much more of this: but feels compelled to share one last designer — thing.
"Once upon a time, in a blog like this…"
Oddly Enough, Reuters blog (January 28, 2010)
"Blog Guy, it's me. Goldilocks. All grown up. Out here on the slag pile where fairytale characters go when they've outlived their usefulness. Wrung out, discarded like old porridge…
"Yeah, I get it. What are you doing in this sleazy dive? What happened to the three bears?
"You can't tell? They're still with me. They'll never leave. Baby Bear is now a grown-up chain-smoker with a gambling problem. All of us, wrung out, discarded, like…
"Right. Like old porridge. Take a load off and look at some fashion designs for you and your three friends...."
Looking at that first photo, the Lemming's immediate thought was that this could be a case of gene therapy gone horribly wrong.
Then, the Lemming took a look at the model's face.
One can't tell for sure, since photography hadn't been invented at the time, but the Lemming suspects it's the sort of look long-suffering ladies of Europe's colorful past may have had, before they stuck something long and sharp into an offensive person.
Manuel Bolano, creator of that — thing — she's wearing should be glad he's living in the 21st century, where skewering people for personal reasons is often frowned upon.
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