Lawsuit-happy lawyers, people willing to admit being outwitted by a coffee cup or a flaming pickle, and judges who take them seriously have created a new sport in America: loony label spotting.
My favorite of the current lot is an honorable mention: a warning label on a letter opener that says: "Caution: Safety goggles recommended."
M-LAW isn't all fun and games. They're trying to fix a whacked-out legal system that has manufacturers putting "Do not use for personal hygiene" labels on toilet brushes.
When lunacy is the order of the day, it's tempting to try acting crazier than the lawyers who made "Caution: Coffee is Hot" labels necessary.
Going out on a limb, I'm going to guess that these labels haven't been used yet.
- Lawnmower:
- Not A Hair Care Product
- For outdoor use only
- Not a food processor
- Bottled Water:
- Not a substitute for food.
- Potentially dangerous in high doses, or if inhaled.
- Consultation with a licensed nutritionist is recommended before use.
- Printer paper:
- Caution! Paper cuts may result from improper use.
- Persons with a family history of hemophilia should wear protective clothing and gloves during use.
- The manufacturer is not responsible for content placed on this paper by any third party.
- Printer ink cartridge:
- Not for internal use.
- May leave marks on paper or cloth.
- Not intended for use as paperweight.
Don't blame me if some beleaguered company has to use one or more of these warnings.
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