The Maastricht Hamburger

A hundred and one years ago a French scientist named Lewis Carrel started growing a chicken heart. Nothing unusual about that, except this bit of chicken meat wasn't inside a chicken.

It was in a laboratory in New York City, run by the Rockefeller Institute. The lab, that is. As far as the Lemming knows the Rockefeller Institute doesn't run New York City.

The Real 'Immortal' Chicken Heart

Ten years later, chickens hatched when Lewis Carrel started his experiment had died of old age: those that hadn't wound up as chicken soup or obscure ingredients in canned food. Carrel's chicken heart kept beating.

Actually, it wasn't a complete chicken heart: but the bit of undying poultry was beating, just as if it was inside a bird. Lewis Carrel wasn't the chap who wrote the Alice books, by the way. That was Lewis Carroll, he was English, his name wasn't Carroll, and that's another topic. Topics.

In 1946, 34 years after it began, folks at the Rockefeller Institute threw the still-living experiment away. Excitement over the prospects of immortality, at least for chicken hearts, faded:

• "Alexis Carrel's Immortal Chick Heart Tissue Cultures (1912-1946)"
  Lijing Jiang, Arizona State University
• "Dr. Carrel's Immortal Cells"
  J. A. Witowski, Medical History, 1M91U, 24:129-142. (1980)
  (from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1082700/pdf/medhist00095-0007.pdf (August 8, 2013))

That's the official story, anyway. Now, in the spirit of 100-proof conspiracy theories, is what the Lemming thinks might have happened.

Good Enough for a Story

Lewis Carrel really is Lewis Carroll. He's a space alien secret agent currently masquerading as an "America's Next Top Model" judge. The immortal chicken heart is still alive, working as a CIA spy but really conspiring to disrupt America's economy by organizing fruit flies in California.

- Or -

The CIA/FBI/Big Oil/Big Peanut/whatever assassinated Lewis Carrel and stole the secret formula that was keeping the chicken heart alive. The Rockefeller Institute threw the immortal chicken heart away because they're part of the conspiracy.

No, the Lemming doesn't believe that. At all. Either of those whoppers might make a good story: maybe along the lines of "Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein" or "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

More of the Lemming's take on conspiracy theories and getting a grip:

• "Planet X, NASA, and the Lizard People From Outer Space"
  (January 2, 2012)
• "How to Not Sound Crazy - or - THE PARANOIDS ARE AFTER ME!!!"
  (June 12, 2011)

Return of the Immortal Chicken Heart: Sort Of

Some of their laboratory (pronounced 'lah-bore-ah-tor-ee) equipment might look like props from " 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' Meets 'Earth vs. the Flying Saucers,' " but Mark Post's hamburger special is very real.


(from www.maastrichtuniversity.nl/web/file?uuid=a5668f05-839f-4007-ae18-29f40d3608a1&owner=c485ea3c-7a41-4eed-b905-19507dc8ee84 (August 8, 2013))
"Electrical stimulation of muscle cells (left panel) matures early muscle cells (middle panel) into mature skeletal muscle which shows typical transverse striations (right panel, arrows) based on abundance of contractile protein units."

Post and two technicians used a few cells, a lot of science and about 250,000 euros - $325,000 - to grow enough "cultured beef" for a hamburger. Food critics said it was a bit lean, but otherwise quite passable.

Don't look for this at the corner grocery any time soon. The $325,000 burger was a prototype, and there's a lot of work left before cultured beef is available commercially.

When, or if, that happens, folks can buy beef that's grown on a tiny fraction of the land, and with fewer resources, than 'real' beef from something with hooves that goes "moo."

Aside from all-too-predictable fussing about technology, science, and "The Island of Lost Souls," the Lemming doesn't see a problem with cultured beef.

Allegedly-related posts:

• " 'A Boy and His Mutant Wolf' "
  A Catholic Citizen in America (August 8, 2013)
• "Killer Tomatoes and a Ranting Lemming"
  (August 6, 2013)
• "7,000,000,000 People, More or Less: Why I'm Not Alarmed"
  A Catholic Citizen in America (October 31, 2011)
• "Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide Now! Or, Not"
  (January 3, 2011)
• "Hard Science Fiction, Cultural Blinders and Laban's Sheep"
  Drifting at the Edge of Time and Space (October 29, 2009)
  Particularly
  • Artificial Life Forms - Like Macaroni Wheat

Background:

• "World's first lab-grown burger is eaten in London"
  BBC News (August 5, 2013)
• "First-ever public tasting of lab-grown Cultured Beef burger"
  Research at UM, Maastricht University (August 5, 2013)
  • "Description of 'in vitro meat' project," Project fact sheet Maastricht University
    (from www.maastrichtuniversity.nl/web/file?uuid=a5668f05-839f-4007-ae18-29f40d3608a1&owner=c485ea3c-7a41-4eed-b905-19507dc8ee84 (August 8, 2013))

Killer Tomatoes and a Ranting Lemming

As anyone who viewed "The Satan Bug" or "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" knows, humanity is ever in peril from the deadly dangers of science and new ideas.

There are days when the Lemming feels like cheering on the tomatoes' side of the stadium.

This, however, is not one of those days.

Instead, the Lemming offers some helpful advice to the more timorous specimens of Homo sapiens sapiens.

Beware! Beware!

Humans have been developing 'genetically modified' plants and animals for a long time. What's different now is that some call the old ones "domesticated," and the new ones "GMO." And, inevitably, are afraid of the new ones.

For the benefit of those who wish to avoid all genetically modified plants, here's a short list of plants that humans have modified:

• Alfalfa
• Almond
• Apple
• Apricot
• Asian Pear
• Azuki Bean
• Banana
• Barley
• Beet
• Blackberry
• Blueberry
• Breadfruit
• Carrot
• Cashew
• Cassava
  • (aka manioc, yuca)
  • (requires special processing to be edible)
• Cherry
• Chestnut
• Chickpea
• Citron
• Clover
• Coconut
• Common Bean
  • (including pinto bean, kidney bean and others)
• Common Medlar
• Cranberry
• Currant
• Durian
• Eggplant (aubergine)
• Ensete
• Fig
• Finger Millet
• Fonio
• Foxtail Millet
• Gourds
• Grape
• Grapefruit
• Hazelnut
• Huckleberry
• Jackfruit
• Lemon
• Lentil
• Lima Bean
• Lime
• Little barley
  • (Hordeum pusillum, central US pre-Columbian)
• Loquat (Japanese medlar)
• Macadamia
• Maize
  • (called corn in the U.S.)
  • Old domesticated plant
    • Found in countless variations throughout the Americas
• Mango
• Maygrass
  • (Phalaris caroliniana, central US pre-Columbian)
• Melon (several species)
• Mung Bean
• Oats
• Olive
• Orange
• Papaya
• Parsnip
• Passionfruit
• Pea
• Peanut
• Pear
• Pearl Millet
  • (predominantly in African cultures, also for beer brewing)
• Pecan
• Peppers
• Pistachio
• Plum
• Pomelo
• Potato
• Proso Millet
• Pumpkin
• Quince
• Radish
• Raspberry
• Rice
• Runner Bean
• Rye
  • (used in Eastern Europe Countries, and for alcoholic beverages)
• Sorghum
• Spelt
• Squash
  • (e.g., Cucurbita pepo, multiple varieties)
• Strawberry
• Summer Squash
• Sweet Potato
• Tangerine
• Taro
  • (requires special processing to be edible)
• Teff -- Ethiopia (also tef)
• Tomato
• Triticale
  • (Secalotriticum spp.)
  • Hybrids between wheat and rye.
• Turnip
• Velvet Bean
• Walnut
• Wheat
• Winter Squash
• Yam
• Zucchini

(Source: "Domesticated Plants," Wikipedia)

Related posts:

• "Mutant Bananas: A Pretty Good Idea, Actually"
  (August 24, 2010)
• "Attack of the Mutant Eucalyptus Trees!"
  (June 13, 2010)
• " 'Artificial' Bacteria, Genetics, the Vatican, and 'Courage With Caution' "
  A Catholic Citizen in America (May 22, 2010)
• "Tofu Turkeys, Genetically Altered Foods, and the Evil Eye"
  (November 14, 2009)
• "Hard Science Fiction, Cultural Blinders and Laban's Sheep"
  Drifting at the Edge of Time and Space (October 29, 2009)

Lemming Tracks: Writing and POOP

Somewhere between the era of poodle skirts and the advent of DLL files, the Lemming did time in academia.

The Lemming never let getting an education interfere with learning, and that's another topic.

Along the way, one question continued to perplex the Lemming: why, in the name of all that's sane and coherent, couldn't academics write?!!

Actually, learned savants could write: but apparently believed that a writer's job is to obfuscate, producing text that's clear as mud.

Or, as an academic might put it:

"Sesquipedalian exposition primary comprised of prolix utterances tends toward deficiencies of a cognizable nature."

Seriously: would folks read a thousand words of that unless they had to?

Writing, Communication, and All That

The Lemming wasn't particularly good at passing tests. Maintaining a "B" average depended on the Lemming's term papers.

Good research skills and understanding the subject are important for college students. But the Lemming also realized that some poor sap had to read his term paper, plus maybe hundreds of others: all on pretty much the same subject.

Once in a while, there's no way to express an idea except by utilizing polysyllabic utterances in protracted prose. But shorter words and simpler sentences generally do just as well. Humor helps, too, and that's almost another topic.

Being Sententious: Good News; Bad News

"Sententious" means at least two things:

1. Abounding in or given to pompous or aphoristic moralizing
2. Concise and full of meaning
   (Princeton's WordNet)

The first definition isn't, in the Lemming's considered opinion, a good way to write. Not if you're trying to communicate. Maybe some folks like that sort of tedious stuff: but not, the Lemming thinks, many.

The second definition is what the KISS principle is about: "Keep It Simple, Stupid." Or, for the more polite folks, KIS.

Avoid POOP

And now, a plea from the Lemming to writers: don't write POOP.

This acronym has been used before, but the Lemming doesn't mean Perl Object Oriented Programming or Pipe Organ Owners and Players.

The Lemming's contribution to the world's cultural and lingustic treasure is: Pretentiously Opulent Overblown Prose.

Wait a minute. That didn't come out right.

Related posts:

• "Another Blogger's Readers Opine on Writing"
  (June 25, 2011)
• "BTW: Avoid Clichés Like the Plague"
  (June 14, 2011)
• "Five-Star Hotel Press Release - That's Readable!"
  (February 6, 2011)
• "Five Writing Mistakes: And Why Bloggers Should Avoid Them"
  (November 30, 2010)
• "Writing For Blogs: Pretty Good Advice, and a Seven-Point List"
  (June 14, 2010)