How to Confuse Your Roomate

"100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate"
Matt Simerson (undated)

Some of these are probably illegal, and all are not the sort of thing that a kind-hearted person would want to do.

On the other hand, these are funny!

Here are some of my favorites:

30. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

44. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

76. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like to have a conversation.

86. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like the jack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.

92. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what they used to be."